Aquatic Cousins

My product IT list for 2012! It's finally here!

2012-01-26T10:31:00.019-06:00

You asked and I answered! Here are my must have beauty products for 2012!

This mascara not only lengthens, but its tiny little brush gets every lash! This mascara out performs the pricey department store brands and costs around $6

2. Alterna Bamboo smooth Kendi dry oil mist

Hate Frizz? This mist is a great and natural moisturizer for your hair and skin! Spray it in your palm and massage through the ends of your hair for instant shine! Its bamboo complex helps improve the texture and health of your hair as well!

3. Clarisonic Mia

Worth every penny! All the hype over this beauty gadget is well deserved! I have seen a 85% improvement in my skin since starting to use my Clarisonic religiously over the summer. My dermatologist even noticed the improvement in my skin texture!

4. Smashbox Photo Finish Primer

Smashbox Primers kick so much ass I would pay double the price! My bestie turned me on to the green tinted primer recently and it helps tone down any redness in my skin and makes my make up go on flawlessly! All their primers are wonderful and help make your make up last, improve the look and feel of your skins texture while minimizing imperfections. I know that you are thinking $26 dollars is crazy, but trust me once you try it you will never go back!

5. Stila eyeshadow palette

This palette has all the shades you need. PERIOD! It also comes with a liner, and a handy little booklet of how to tips! These shades sell individually for $18 so, this palette is a steal!

6. Olay acne system

Hello life saver! I have spent thousands of dollars and tried so many different systems to get my skin balanced and clear it is ridiculous! This system (along with my Clarisonic) have balanced my skin and improved its texture! I no longer wake up with new zits on a daily basis! The moisturizer is light but gets the job done without making me break out!

7. Sonicare Toothbrush

Because no one wants dentures or yellow teeth!

Anyone who knows me well knows I use my Sonicare toothbrush religiously! I have had one going on 5 years now and haven't had a single cavity or dental problem since I began using it. My teeth are nice and white too!

8. Cover girl tinted moisturizer with SPF

For those days when you just don't feel like doing anything! This tinted moisturizer won't make you break out, break your bank or make you look greasy! It also has SPF and offers sheer coverage. Just smooth is on all over and you are out the door! Use it alone or with concealer and or foundation.

9. Clinique Even Better Make Up

Why not wear make up that improves your skin right? Helps remove dark spots and even tone. It also comes in a wide variety of shades with warm, neutral and cool tone bases to exactly match your skin!

10. Paul Mitchell The Conditioner

The original and still the best! Moisturizes and improves your hair without weighing it down or making it look greasy like most leave-in conditioners! I apply a generous amount right out of the shower when my hair is still dripping wet before wrapping it up in a towel.

11. Rusk Thick body and texture amplifier

This spray adds volume to flat hair and makes it appear thicker. Really great on any hair type, just spray it in at the roots and comb through towel dried hair and style as usual.

Vintage Fashion 101 with Mia Shannonhouse

2011-11-20T16:34:00.009-06:00

From the couch of AC1 @ The Barbie Dream House, the headquarters of the Aquatic Cousins:

We present to you the darling and fabulous Mia Shannonhouse! Shop all of her fantastic vintage items on her Etsy site located here: http://www.LilaRoseAustin.etsy.com

Ke$ha isn't gone, and just incase you thought she might be....

2011-07-27T16:08:00.001-05:00

WATCH THIS:
OOOHHH OHHHH OOOOOOO O O O GLITTER!

He just wants your nail care love, guys.

2011-04-29T00:21:00.005-05:00

From the kitchen table of AC2, laden with thesis-writing-related items as she slowly and painfully finishes that bitch.

Some people have religion as a way of feeling connected to something bigger than they are, existing as some small part of a much larger and more important journey. I fail to see how comparing oneself with the universe- even as limited as we know and understand it- couldn't bring about the same feelings ("Isn't this enough?") but then again I really like my own fantasy stories.

SNAPE!
July 7th.
I guess it's the idea of struggling against something that seems so impossible, knowing you are so insignificant and hoping you get you live out your own little life anyway, with whatever small happiness you're allowed. It may be small in the scheme of things, but damned if it won't light up your whole world, especially after having to look at Ralph Fiennes in that snake nose with those terrifying fingernails.
Voldemort is evil because nobody ever thought to buy him a mani-pedi.
I return to my own insignificant struggles, until 5am when I'll probably don a velvet hat and watch the Royal Wedding so my hat can see all of its hat friends. Sleep deprivation is said to be similar to being drunk (at least while operating motor vehicles) so it'll even be like I'm having themed cocktails instead of drinking my own tears of "why the fuck do I have two jobs right now".
FRIDAY!
-AC2

Carl loves you all.

2011-04-26T23:37:00.006-05:00

From the couch of AC2, Sparker.

When I'm feeling a bit lost and unsure of how to go about things*, I like to wade through the archives of The Rumpus, particularly the Sugar columns. Okay pretty much only The Sugar columns. I love her words. I love Tiny Beautiful Things so much that one night during a manic-thesis-writing phase, I sat down and wrote out all the little parts of it I love best in different colored permanent markers and tacked them up around my apartment. The first time someone asks about them should be interesting to explain, but Carl the Taxidermied Longhorn Head usually keeps people pretty distracted.

I decorate him for holidays.

Tonight I was reading The World Lit By Other People and especially loved the last question: What is love? As Sugar said, it takes more than one person to answer that kind of question and thankfully we live in an era of crowd-sourcing technology.

__________________________________________

"What is love?

Love is so many things that it’s impossible for one person to answer that question, so instead of answering this one myself I decided to ask my readers. Here are the replies I received when I posed this question on my Facebook page and Twitter feed:

Spike Aroo: Love is the ability to be vulnerable.

Allison Mcg: Love is the opposite of fear.

Jennifer Ad Meliora Reeves: I think love, real love, means acceptance of the whole person—their faults, attributes, shortcomings, gifts, abilities, inabilities, etc. Love shouldn’t be based on hope or potential, which I am learning the hard way. We would never want someone to say to us, “I love you, but…” and then tick off the ways we could be better or different. We want someone to love us just as we are—here, today. And we need to love ourselves, and forgive ourselves, in this same way. Love is a state of grace.

@Miss___B: Love is something infinite and sublime that can only be made wrong or less-than when you try to box it into definitions.

Jan Cooper: Favorite quote: “To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten” (unknown author).

Sara Habein: I can’t be the only one who, despite seriously considering the subject, had visions of “A Night at the Roxbury” dancing through my head. (Woah-oh-oh-OH-oh-oh *ahem*) All right, I’ll go back to serious contemplation.

@RumpusPoetry: It’s a song that causes severe neck injury and won’t leave your head once it gets in there.

Terry N Teros: Love is the glue that holds the whole program together.

Carolynne Reina Mielke: Love is thinking of others before yourself!

Bill Mazza: Generosity without expectation and trust without judgment.

Joan Rogers: I tend to think of it as the profound knowledge that the equation is more important than either of its component parts.

@ayse: I just read a beautiful evocation of love by @tracyclarkflory. [ETA: My favorite line from this article was "I suppose that's one definition of love: You do something for someone else and it ends up feeling like a gift to yourself."]

Roberta DiBisceglie : For me, love means caring for someone not despite their flaws but because of them. Love transports us to a better place, not always a happier one, but one that helps us to grow and find balance. Love is truth and it will set you free.

@blandroid (Jason Asher): Acceptance, faith, patience, healing, openness, honesty, cherishing, giving, receiving, growing, and being vulnerable.

SonYa Eick: Love is when you’ve found someone who makes you want to be the best version of yourself possible. To fix all your flaws, yet accept them at the same time. It’s when you’ve found the one who inspires you and motivates you especially when you’re weak and unable to do so on your own.

Denise L. Moore: Love is a relationship without apathy, honesty without judgment, laughter without embarrassment, belief without proof, compassion without end on a road traveling both ways.

@saribotton (Sari Botton): Whatever love is, you can’t experience it until you stop confusing validation with satisfaction. Awesome when you do, but so many don’t.

April Cooper: I have always liked this definition: “Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled. I also think love is the energy that powers the Universe (all of reality) and that it is our life purpose to lose our fearful perceptions of separation and experience Oneness with All That Is as fully as possible.

Brenda Lehman Gorenc: Love is the act of putting someone else first, even when your heart doesn’t feel like doing it.

Ryan Nance: Love is what we have decided to call the world lit by other people.

Amen to that."

_____________________________________________

I started thinking about all the other various ways to define love ("I wanna know what love iiissss/I want you to shoooow meeeee")-- my first thought (okay second) going back to Tiny Beautiful Things: "Real love moves freely in both directions. Don't waste your time on anything else." That can take a surprisingly long time to learn in life. For so many people it's easier to wait, to hope, to stay beyond all reason for something that was once true but no longer is. Be brave enough to break your own heart. It's not an easy thing to do. I've watched it. I've lived it.

My own definition is still forming, it would seem; for things such as this I believe the best works are a lifelong revision process. I know it has a lot to do with patience and giving, with being a whole woman who acknowledges I still have much room to learn and grow. That you should spend time with those you can learn and grow from and with. To never compromise the parts of you that are silly or loud or outrageous and never expect anyone else to do the same. To understand that even the most silly, loud and outrageous person also wants to be quiet sometimes and wants you to share in all those parts of them, and they in you.

It is something we all have the deepest longing for and often, the least understanding. That is what makes it so beautiful and frustrating and exciting in all its many forms. Love isn't just romantic; it is food. We must learn to feed ourselves before we can feed others.

-AC2

*This thesis is a labor of love that is the closest I want to come to children for about the next decade or so.

So I may have some baggage...

2011-04-19T23:59:00.014-05:00

From the keyboard of AC1, Manda.

Recently, but then again not so recently, it has been pointed out to me that (in addition to never posting on this blog here) I have some barriers built up.

So, I asked myself...What is a barrier? By definition a barrier is a noun, an obstacle, something that is built up to bar passage. Alright then, self, what are your "barriers"? I asked (definitely allowed, and maaaybe in a Russian accent). Do I have a hypothetical glacier which I refuse to melt? Or if you prefer it, picture an image of me sitting in a martini glass so large and tall that you just can't reach me way up there.

After a long conversation with self (not good friends Michael and Rebs, but the inner self), she told me it is neither of these things. "Amanda," said self (in a small French accented voice) "you are not an Ice-Princess or an emotional shut it, you are more of a layer cake, or an onion if you will ...you do kind of smell today, you should shower."

During my shower I thought about what I had been told and after the water ran cold it came to me: knowing me takes time and like Lady Gaga said "Loving me is like chewing on pearls". And while I may have my very own matching luggage set that I drag around to every place I go, I don't have barriers; I have layers. These layers I've got just take time to peel back. Most people don't get past them, but the ones who stick around, the ones I love see my core and truly love me for me (even if it is painful and crunchy).

-AC1

Storm.

2011-04-08T16:04:00.003-05:00

From the couch of AC2.

I found this video this morning on YouTube. God posted it. (No really.) It is completely amazing and you should watch it.

My favorite bit:

"Isn't this enough? Just this. . .world? Just this beautiful, complex, wonderfully unfathomable natural world? How does it so fail to hold our attention that we have to diminish it with the invention of cheap, man-made myths and monsters?"

And for those of you who will disagree with me:

"But here's what gives me a hard-on: I am a tiny, insignificant, ignorant bit of carbon. I have one life and it is short and unimportant. But thanks to recent scientific advances, I get to live twice as long as my great-great-great-great-uncleses and auntses. Twice as long. To live this life of mine. Twice as long to love this wife of mine. Twice as many years of friends and wine, of sharing curries and getting shitty at good-looking hippies with fairies on their spines and butterflies on their titties.

And if, perchance, I have offended think but this and all is mended: may as well be ten minutes back in time for all the chance you'll change your mind."

Brilliant spoken word performance.

-AC2

Prisencolinensinainciusol!

2011-04-03T13:59:00.006-05:00

From the couch of AC2, on a grey Sunday afternoon:

In case you ever wondered what English sounds like to those who don't speak it:

That certainly could have been weirder. (Sourced from Bakadesuyo where all the best things are.)

-AC2

Dear Sugar, You Deserve Tiny Beautiful Things.

2011-03-31T18:15:00.008-05:00

From the couch of AC2, during a manic phase.

I always find the best things when I am supposed to be working. This is a letter of advice, from a writer in her forties to a writer in her twenties who asked for wisdom. It is beautiful. It is exactly what I needed today. It is from Dear Sugar (The Rumpus) which I will be a devoted reader of from now on. (I bolded the bits that particularly resonated with me because it's the equivalent of my mother highlighting the bits of books she likes and we all have to start becoming our mothers sometime.)

_______________________

Dear Seeking Wisdom,

Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit? There is nothing more boring and fruitless than a woman lamenting the fact that her stomach is round. Feed yourself. Literally. The sort of people worthy of your love will love you more for this, sweet pea.

In the middle of the night in the middle of your twenties when your best woman friend crawls naked into your bed, straddles you, and says, You should run away from me before I devour you, believe her.

You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don’t need a reason to leave. Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn’t mean you’re incapable of real love or that you’ll never love anyone else again. It doesn’t mean you’re morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That’s all. Be brave enough to break your own heart.

When that really sweet but fucked up gay couple invites you over to their cool apartment to do ecstasy with them, say no.

There are some things you can’t understand yet. Your life will be a great and continuous unfolding. It’s good you’ve worked hard to resolve childhood issues while in your twenties, but understand that what you resolve will need to be resolved again. And again. You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.

One evening you will be rolling around on the wooden floor of your apartment with a man who will tell you he doesn’t have a condom. You will smile in this spunky way that you think is hot and tell him to fuck you anyway. This will be a mistake for which you alone will pay.

Don’t lament so much about how your career is going to turn out. You don’t have a career. You have a life. Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue. You are a writer because you write. Keep writing and quit your bitching. Your book has a birthday. You don’t know what it is yet.

You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.

Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.

One hot afternoon during the era in which you’ve gotten yourself ridiculously tangled up with heroin you will be riding the bus and thinking what a worthless piece of crap you are when a little girl will get on the bus holding the strings of two purple balloons. She’ll offer you one of the balloons, but you won’t take it because you believe you no longer have a right to such tiny beautiful things. You’re wrong. You do.

Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naïve pomposity. Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering. Many people who appear to you to be old and stupidly saddled down with kids and cars and houses were once every bit as hip and pompous as you.

When you meet a man in the doorway of a Mexican restaurant who later kisses you while explaining that this kiss doesn’t “mean anything” because, much as he likes you, he is not interested in having a relationship with you or anyone right now, just laugh and kiss him back. Your daughter will have his sense of humor. Your son will have his eyes.

The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people’s diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not. These things are your becoming.

One Christmas at the very beginning of your twenties when your mother gives you a warm coat that she saved for months to buy, don’t look at her skeptically after she tells you she thought the coat was perfect for you. Don’t hold it up and say it’s longer than you like your coats to be and too puffy and possibly even too warm. Your mother will be dead by spring. That coat will be the last gift she gave you. You will regret the small thing you didn’t say for the rest of your life.

Say thank you.

Yours,
Sugar

____________________

I would paint that on my walls, were they big enough and I wasn't renting.

-AC2

Bad Cat reminds us why she's named that. Constantly.

2011-03-15T20:11:00.003-05:00

And ye, the Mighty Bad Cat was vanquished from the yoga mat, where she did desire to claw all that was dear to the practitioner, climb upon her contorted body and generally make a goddamn noisy nuisance of herself.

-AC2

PS: I (that's AC2) am in the midst of a 40-Day Yoga Challenge. Mostly I've been practicing at home because with two jobs (part-time obviously or I would already be rooming with Andrea Yates in the hill country) and the thesis deadlines looming ever closer, making it to public classes suitable to my practice level is something of a job in and of itself.

Enter YogaGlo, who have an amazing 15-Day Free Trial. I'm falling in love. It's dangerous. I've warned you.

It would be perfect, except for the damn cat deciding yoga time means cat time.

My life is hard.

Daniel Craig would like to drag your attention to a matter

2011-03-08T07:50:00.004-06:00

From the kitchen table of AC2.

Today is International Women's Day (I'd never know anything if it wasn't for Twitter. . .no really, I follow several news sources there, in addition to P. Diddy) and is, in fact, the centenial celebration of the first one held in 1911.

What's sad is how far we are from the hopes expressed for equality 100 years ago. Daniel Craig would like you to think about that.

I want to be the person who had to find those shoes for him.
-AC2

Single White Feline.

2011-03-03T08:03:00.005-06:00

From the couch of AC1 writes AC2. That's not confusing at all.

BBC Comedy reveals the startling truth as to why so many cat-owning women remain single:

Oh dear. And here he's just been proclaiming himself as my thesis coach.

-AC2

SIgn The Petition!

2011-02-24T12:08:00.000-06:00

Tell pro-choice senators to filibuster the House's all-out attack on women

Free Jams! And not the kind you put on bread either. Because they're intangible files.

2011-02-09T21:45:00.004-06:00

From the couch of AC2, Sparker.

As evidenced by my last post, I am Not Hip. I usually listen to music that was popular when I was seven (ACE OF BASE 4EVA) pretty unapologetically and when one of my hipper friends gives me a CD or something I tend to leave it in my car for 12-24 months on repeat, punctuated by periods of me yelling at the radio for being horrible.

True story: once in my old car the CD player was broken so I was listening to the radio and one song was so horrible I started laughing and immediately Shazamed it to see who it was. Answer? Miley Cyrus. There's your safe driving PSA, Texas. Don't play that shit on the airwaves and I won't endanger other drivers trying to Shazam the awfulness through my laughter.

Anyway, aside from Twitter being a virtual goldmine of unintentional hilarity from P. Diddy and grounds for the millions of fights among sexually frustrated thirteen-year-olds who love teh Biebz, it also sometimes has actual useful information.

SUCH AS: This post from Mashable which lists for you ten resources for getting your un-hip self some free mp3s so you're not reduced to playing your one passable Pandora station (I haven't even set up a Grooveshark account yet, I know) whenever anyone comes over.

Do the creep. With my Pandora.

At least that's what I'm hoping for here. So far I have frightened at least one of my friends by excitedly playing loud music at her when she called me earlier.

"Are you at a club?"

I look down at the tights I slept in last night, through the lenses of my dirty glasses and the haze of the sugar snacks I've been eating all day. "Uh. No. I'm dancing. At my kitchen table."

"Oh. Okay. I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah. Okay bye!"

-AC2

Winter is Coming.

2011-02-02T21:30:00.005-06:00

Oh hell I'm writing about fantasy. You know it's AC2 (Sparker).

Let's just gloss over the fact that it's now February and move right into something I'm waiting to happen on April 17th- HBO's mini-series adaptation of George R.R. Martin's Game of Thrones.

The Song of Ice and Fire series has been sitting on my to-read list for absolute ages and news of this going into production spurred me to finally order the books and read them, aside from the bit I read and don't remember from when I was 14 or so.

Whether you've read them or not, if you're into fantasy this looks promising. The casting for my favorite character- fierce little Arya- looks dead freaking on, I am so excited.

Who's my little BAMF?!
I will try to restrain myself at this point from yelling about how much I hate the character of her sister, who is a dumb, dumb bitch. Ah. . .that was my restraint. Ahem. They seem to have aged some of the children, which I honestly expected due to some of the content of the story; it would be difficult finding child actors to handle some of the things that would have to happen to them (Chloe Moretz cannot be in all of the things). I mean damn, this series is dark-- a reason I love it so. Beheadings! Incest! Rape! Murder! Betrayal! No one is safe; it's not black-and-white fantasy where you can line up all the characters on either side, with maybe one dude dawdling in the grey area. In this, everyone has their own agenda and also many of them HAVE THEIR OWN LITERAL GIANT WOLVES, HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! Ahem.

The cazzine* will be excited to find me on her couch for this come April, I am sure.

Further selling points? DRAGONS AND MAY I AGAIN MENTION GIANT FUCKING WOLVES. Where is my direworlf I want one.

Characters of Jon Snow (the bastard son!) & Bran (the middle son!) with their direwolf pups. Oh hai dad look what we found in the snow CAN WE KEEP THEM?!

My favorite dumb, dumb bitch Sansa (Arya's sister, who they appear to have aged a bit from eleven) with her direwolf. 'Sup. Just takin' my wolf for a stroll.

-AC2

*Cazzine=childhood interpretation of cousin, which has recently come back into vogue for us

The More You Know.

2011-01-18T20:41:00.005-06:00

From the kitchen table of AC2, Sparker. (There is still Christmas stuff on it. On the table. Not on AC2.)

Well then. More than halfway into that first month of the New Year, aren't we? And it has already been pretty eventful (not even counting both Aquatic Cousins being infected with some sort of long-lasting plague disease).

WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED FROM YOU SO FAR, OH YEAR TWENTY-ELEVEN?

Tragedy did not stay behind in 2010, as was proven by an unstable young man attempting to assassinate Congresswoman Giffords of AZ. A nine-year-old girl and five other people present at the time weren't so lucky in their escape. Nine years. Far too short a time to live.
Okay. Let's take a second. I'm crying everywhere. Pause. Pause pause pause. Breathe. Okay.
The world needs to remember: mental illness isn't an explanation for violence.
People will go bonkers over the Zodiac. And we are not talking about the serial killer.
Cabbage sauteed in butter is DELICIOUS. Less so when you leave the Tupperware in your fridge for two weeks.
Calphalon pans are not the same as cast iron and your Paula Deen biscuits won't be fluffy. Also touching that pan will result in an enormous and terrifying blister on the side of your hand. Great job there, freakshow.
Gorilla suits. . .molt. . .a lot. Also you can totally manicure gorilla hand gloves.

I think that about wraps it up. I'm sure as I attempt to (FINALLY) finish my thesis and graduate from grad school this semester, I will learn some other things.

Until then, kids: ~*The More You Know!*~

-AC2

Especially that last bit.

2010-12-31T16:17:00.007-06:00

I resolve, as always, to do all things better in the New Year. My favorite wordsmith puts it all quite well.

A wish, a toast, a statement. See you on the other side, the lot of you.

Aquatic Pal Val, Moi, Aquatic Cousin 1.

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art-- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."

_________________

"I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you'll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you'll make something that didn't exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind."

_________________

"To absent friends, lost loves old gods and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due."

-Neil Gaiman (brought to you by AC2)

Our Lord & Savior, Old Gregg

2010-12-23T17:11:00.004-06:00

In honor of Christmas, the Aquatic Cousins offer you the following:

A Very Bad Cat Christmas!

Merry Happy Tra-la-la to you and yours- whether yours is a very Bad Cat, a very Floofy Cat, your terrifying and/or loving family or a strange woman next to you at the grocery store making chicken noises while choosing eggs*. Also if you don't celebrate Christmas at all, just use it as an excuse to drink.

-AC2

*This actually happened to me, today.

We are good at lots of things...

2010-12-23T12:47:00.007-06:00

Merry whatever you're having from the Aquatic CAZZINES!

(and Valerie)

Here are your holiday trends for 2010 direct from us to you:

1) Hair Tinsel! I am rocking some gold strands right now!

It is fun and festive for the Holidays! You decorate a tree, how about your head (see how I write in red to make you feel more christmas cheer) ?

2) Being de-friended by family members on Facebook! That is what it is all about kids, being with loved ones and celebrating the birth of our savior Old Gregg.

3) The previously mentioned (see post below) Cat Patty Cake video!

4) Old School anthems of female empowerment a la Salt N Pepa!

5) The always adorable Christmas Trolls, I recently discovered that I own one much to my delight!

6) Last but not least, getting hammered with your parents while wearing an adorable Xmas Sweater!

CHEERS! AC1

* Cazzine aka Cousin as spelled by seven year old me!

Patticake Cats: I invented it. I started it.

2010-12-09T09:50:00.004-06:00

I will never stop watching this video because it is hilarious. Make sure you're watching it with the sound on- the commentary is what makes it. Whoever made this is my hero for all of time and space (right behind Captain Tightpants, that is). Thanks be to Aquatic Friend Christine for this and may all of the Patticake Cats in the world help her through 2L finals at the schoolings of law that she undertakes.

IT NEVER ENDS!

Bless.

-AC2

Trashy Crabs

2010-11-18T02:37:00.003-06:00

See them or else!!!!

Don't worry you can just ask Joan!

2010-11-16T12:04:00.002-06:00

Having a fashion emergency? Personal crisis? Well never fear because Joan Rivers is here for you! Personally I think that she may actually be god. How else could she still be alive after having so much plastic surgery?

~AC1

Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing on Rain[bows]

2010-11-15T06:18:00.005-06:00

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.

Aquatic Friend Bonnie found this and deemed it my theme song. I absolutely cannot argue this point, as it has so far made my Monday 110% better and IT'S NOT EVEN 7AM.

Now if only one of these would show up to take me to my soul-crushing job, things might be even better. By that I mean a pink fluffy unicorn with some sort of vehicle made of rainbows, not one of the embodiments of the kid singing this video. That would just be awkward. Unless he brought the cardboard keyboard. I'd probably ask to play it because it magically sounds like a xylophone.

Cheers.

-AC2

ETA: I tried Google-image searching for a pink fluffy unicorn dancing on a rainbow, but somehow it came up with Paddington Bear and a shirtless Native American brave. Also Gary Oldman in some sort of flowing purple wizard's robe.

I think I've just commissioned some sweet artwork FROM MYSELF. (Of a pink fluffy unicorn dancing on a rainbow. Not of Gary Oldman in that robe.)

Veteran's Day

2010-11-13T16:18:00.004-06:00

Veteran's Day may have been Thursday, but I personally feel our service men and woman deserve to be thought of and thanked more than once a year.

To every person who has served: Thank You.

-AC2

Bout to do the Boot Scootin' Boogie

2010-11-12T09:57:00.002-06:00

Get ready to get your country on and click HERE

AC1

Samhain and the Pallas Cat

2010-10-31T15:16:00.006-05:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
(Somebody just discovered the change font section!)

Love, Aquatic Cousin 2 and Aquatic Pal Val

Also Love, Aquatic Cousin One and her wire hanger.

Bonus love from the Pallas Cats!

I mean, pretty much this is how we're all feeling today:

Officially owners of the greatest bitch face in the animal kingdom.

What were YOU for Halloween? Tell us in the comments! We'll be nursing our hangovers in the dark, without pants.

-AC2

If you could so kindly move please ma'am, you are obstructing my path of forward motion

2010-10-19T20:50:00.007-05:00

From the desk of AC2 (which she has finally cleaned somewhat)

This amused me (AC2) way too much. Bad Cat has a Christmas Wish List and all that's on it is a Roomba.

Also possibly a mastiff to swipe at, but I'm sure I'll also do.

Another thing I am way too amused by:

You should really think about bookmarking this magnificent page of gifs. You're welcome.

-AC2

I bet they all read a lot of Fitzgerald.

2010-10-14T21:13:00.006-05:00

From the kitchen table of AC2, Sparker.

I got a makeover, you guys!

Which for some reason, I cannot enlarge. But no matter. Because:

You can have one too!

I'm hoping this will help attract my second One True Love (OTL) Chris2, whom I met poolside in Florida. He's a Jersey Cop, but without a "situation" or tan at all. There was a Jersey Cop convention at this particular hotel I had the good fortune to be staying in. AC1 was wildly jealous when I told her about it, but less so when she realized he only had a man necklace and I didn't see a single person with Pauly D's Mortal Kombat hair.

A girl can dream, though. A girl can dream.

In his blue gardens men and girls came and went like moths among the whisperings and the champagne and the stars.
-F. Scott Fitzgerald

I bet the people who work at the Gatsby salon on Jerseylicious are terribly fond of Fitzgerald's writing.

-AC2

We No Speak Americano.

2010-10-05T18:53:00.003-05:00

From the desk of AC1, Manda.

We do however love to DANCE!

-AC1

Trufax.

2010-10-04T16:51:00.000-05:00

A Friendly Monday Reminder.
-The Aquatic Cousins

On Birthdays and Water.

2010-10-03T16:39:00.007-05:00

From the couch of AC2, Sparker.

I am still not entirely sure where September went, but I do know that I cannot wish it back no matter how fervently I try. As I try not to go into spasms of panic over the fact that it's now October (employment! thesis!), I figure I should thank all of you across The Great Internets who helped me with my Charity: Water September Campaign. On the last day, I was close --!

An excerpt from the Charity: Water Log (Blog)- they highlighted me on my birthday : )

It says "Sarah's turning 25: Her mission statement is short and sweet: 'You know you would've at least bought me a beer for my birthday. . .so buy this kid some clean water instead." We love it. She's $700 strong towards her $1000 goal."

But alas, I thought the campaign ended at midnight on the 30th, not midnight on the 29th so I did not all-out campaign as I should have. The end result though, was $816 raised towards clean drinking water for the Bayaka people of the Central African Republic. That's enough for 8 families, 40 people.

I might be unemployed and quickly running out of money, but I still have my own apartment with hot and cold water a mere turn of the tap away. 'Clean' has never been a question for me, my entire life. Neither has 'safe'. I look at the Photo of the Day (Oct 1st) on their blog and I'm happy I could be some small part of that. Thank you to everyone who helped make my donation possible- and there's always next year : )

From the Charity: Water Log: A boy in Tekeiplay, Liberia, grins at his village’s hand-dug well. His old water source, before the charity: water well was built, was a 25-minute walk away and the water gave his village chronic stomach problems. (photo: Mo Scarpelli)

Water changes everything for children – click here to learn more.

Everyone who donated should receive a tax receipt by email, and when the project in the C.A.R. is finished in 12-18 months, you'll receive coordinates and photos. 100% of the money you donated goes directly to the project- the private backers of charity: water make this possible.

-AC2

Failure.

2010-10-02T02:05:00.006-05:00

From the couch of AC2, Sparker.

I- AC2- am a huge Harry Potter nerd/fan/dork/however you want to say it. I think J.K. Rowling is a magnificent writer and I love the world that she built and that she believes, like Madeline L'Engle*- that children can deal with the dark and heavy and the hard questions because they are as much a part of life as the happiness and magic; indeed experiencing one can only strengthen the regard we have for the other.

Naturally I had to try and find Rowling's interview with Oprah that aired today and the internets did not disappoint me (Leaky Cauldron FTW!). What surprised me is that in my natural state of procrastination, I should find just the words that made me want to stay- not on track- but to do better than I have been by far. (It's amazing just how demoralizing unemployment is, friends, I will say that.)

"Failure. Failure. It's so important; it doesn't get spoken about enough- we speak about success all the time. But you know- I do not know any- I haven't met- and I've been so fortunate to have met extraordinary people through Harry Potter-and not one of them didn't have their failure, their more than one failure- and it's the ability to resist- to resist failure in may ways, or use failure that often leads to the greatest success, isn't it? So yeah. Failure.

I've often met people who- who um, are terrified- you know, in a straight jacket of their own making because they'd rather do anything than fail, they don't want to try for fear of failing. Well that's the rock bottom thing- rock bottom wasn't fun. At all. I'm not going to romanticize rock bottom. But- it was liberating. What did I have to lose?"

There is power in that freedom. I have a hard time with the fear of Doing Things Wrong (I think this is a trait common in anyone who likes to please people or has ever been accused of being a "goody two-shoes") and that brings in quite a scope for failure. It's why I love being friends with people like Lauren Carter, who push me out of my boundaries and get me to try things I might never have done on my own otherwise. I am more of a perfectionist than I am willing to admit, even to myself. (This becomes a funny contradiction when I'll, say, let cleaning go for longer than I should because I don't have time to clean it perfectly. That's weird, I know.)

So while I'm not starving and it's probable I'll find some sort of job before I get evicted (and therefore I'm not, you know, digging up the scuba gear that originally dubbed us the Aquatic Cousins in order to explore the water table under rock bottom), I have quite a long way before I get anywhere near where I'd like to be- where I've probably unconsciously expected I'd be- at this point in my life. Whether that's actually a "failure" or not will always be judged differently by All Who Can Be Called Them.

I think I will listen to Ms. Rowling for a while. She seems to have done rather well for herself.

P.S. Oprah are you hiring?!

-AC2

*There's a quote from Madeline L'Engle that I love also: "You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children."

I have a huge love for YA (young-adult) lit and I can't believe how overlooked it is. Twilight is not an exception because Twilight is horribly written- I'm happy if it acts as a gateway to reading better books, though. Try His Dark Materials or The Hunger Games. Those books will sit with you long after you have read them. . . and might even make you think a little differently. That, in my mind, is what a good book should do.

Come to the Darkside. We haz kittehs.

2010-09-22T12:28:00.004-05:00

From everyone's favorite online cat source (including Moloch's): LOLcats!

Now someone hire AC2.

-AC2

Keepin' up with Sanrio.

2010-09-20T14:56:00.001-05:00

Hey AC1- I think I found the perfect house for us to live in.

You're welcome.

-AC2

FUNemployment: not so much fun, really.

2010-09-13T10:28:00.004-05:00

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.

How quickly the time passes when you are FUNemployed, as I have been since September 1st. And mostly it's quickly because you're in a blind panic or feel like you're edging ever-closer to one at least, so really it's only "FUN" employment if you have a trust fund or are a recent lottery winner. Ample free time - funds to enjoy it = HAHAHAHA damn it. And fortunately I still have my thesis to keep me warm. Too bad utter frustration doesn't pay much.

To keep my spirits up, I am compiling a list of careers I could begin to pursue out of hope of either generating decent amounts of money very quickly or glamorizing the life of the homeless (which I will never really be because AC1 would totally let me move into her closet).

Solutions to FUNemployment: An Aquatic Cousins Listing.

1. Cocktail waitress at a strip joint. One of my friends has a joke he loves to tell- "What's the difference between the cocktail waitress and the stripper? Two weeks." However knowing there's a possibility that he could come into the strip joint and thus see me naked were I to make that transition would be enough to prevent it.
2. Indiana Jones. Harrison Ford is getting really old and we cannot let Shia LeBeouf take over that position, we really can't. (Auto-correct wants to rename him "Shia Beowulf" which I think is awesome.)
3. Cat whisperer. Although that might just equate to "stealing from the elderly".
4. Professional blogger. Call me.
5. Eternal Grad Student. I am already doing pretty well at this one but have unfortunately not been able to find any grants for "taking forever to finish my thesis".
6. Circus performer. As you can see we are now moving into the "glorified homeless" section since I am not talented enough nor do I have any weird enough body modifications to be hired by any sort of legit circus.
7. Assistant to Lauren Carter. Can I come and live in your jungle hut with the fire-hippies in Hawaii? I can be like Mr. Willoughby from the Outlander series. That gives you several hundred pages to explain my presence and also I only require one pair of silk pajamas.

Okay I'm not sure this is actually lifting my spirits. Maybe I should respond to that ALL CAPS JOB POSTING ON CRAIGSLIST TO MAKE $1000 A WEEK MUST NOT HAVE FELONIES WE TRAIN RIGHT PEOPLE ON BUS LINE!!! Seems pretty legit.

Leave your suggestions for my next career in the comments.

-AC2

Lesson: David Bowie-esque crystal balls will always save you.

2010-08-30T15:29:00.004-05:00

Always the Aquatic Cousins want to be with you, and make-believe with you (that sounds like the foundation for a healthy relationship- that and foiling of dangerous snow creatures).

Thanks be to Aquatic Pal Val for this magical gem.

-AC2

PS: I'm still raising money in lieu of my 25th birthday to bring clean drinking water to the Bayaka people. Learn more and donate at my page!

I'm giving up my 25th birthday.

2010-08-26T16:59:00.007-05:00

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.

I am a very lucky person.

I've had ample opportunity to travel in my life, to some amazing places. Usually by the grace of friends who were living there.

St. Peter's Basilica|Rome, Italy|Summer 2007
Barcelona, Spain| August 2007

The Big Island of Hawaii|August 2010

Next month I turn twenty-five. I've been thinking offhand what I'd like to do for that milestone birthday- a friend invited me to Vegas, I thought about throwing a party, doing a wine tour through the Hill Country, just asking for some money to go shopping or pay off part of my debt.

Instead I've decided to give it up. By September 30th, I want to raise $1,000 to contribute to the September Campaign to provide clean drinking water. This year the campaign focuses on the Bayaka people of the Central African Republic. Deforestation has driven them from their home and they're having to learn a new way of life- should we not make it possible for them to skip the three hour walk to clean drinking water?

charity: water 2010 September Campaign: Clean Water for the Bayaka from charity: water on Vimeo.

If you're my friend, you probably would have at least bought me a beer for my birthday. Let's buy that kid some clean drinking water instead. If you're a September baby too, consider giving up your birthday and let's see just how much we can do.

Donate, or find out more about the cause at my page.

-AC2

How To Be Alone

2010-08-19T13:36:00.004-05:00

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.

I think it's something we can all use a lesson on. As kids we're almost always surrounded- family, friends and classmates at school, after-school activities; we seem to have to constantly debunk the "it's horrible to be an only child" myth (we Aquatic Cousins are both only children- take that how you will.) As we move into a adulthood I think we sometimes fear being alone the way we used to fear the monster in the closet and we find ourselves in the trap of pulling on the security blanket of an old relationship repeatedly, just to keep the monster away.

Spend a little time with yourself instead and the monster begins to fade.

-AC2

Not 5 O'clock...

2010-08-17T11:29:00.005-05:00

From the desk of AC1 (in Mexico).

So anyone who really knows the Aquatic Cousins knows that we have very strange and graphic dreams about all sorts of things. Well, the past two nights I have had dreams that include a certain inconvenient friend. These dreams were so life like it was like it had actually happened when I woke up! GAAAARRRRHHHH! ANGRY MANDA!

I resisted the urge to give him an undeserved bitch slap via email, however I am in Mexico and so I ask. . . is it too early for a beer?

AC1 aka MandaPants

Leavin' on a jet plane- pretty sure I know when I'll be back, though. Unfortunately.

2010-08-10T17:30:00.004-05:00

Both Aquatic Cousins are traveling this week and into next, so updates may be more sporadic than normal.

Scarcity drives up demand. We learned that in our schoolings. Maybe we'll have EIGHT WHOLE READERS whence we return.

Cheers,
AC2

Human Energy Raditates from. . .what, exactly?

2010-08-04T14:36:00.009-05:00

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.

This is the dumbest advice I have seen, maybe ever, so it's not so surprising that it's from a Twitter account called "Rush Right":

Human energy enters your body through your belly button – not eyes, ears. If it’s not positive, twist your body away to deflect. It works!

I'm pretty sure that "twisting your body away to deflect negative energy" is called "ignoring someone". Please just envision how that would play out.

Some Girl: I am saying rude things!

Some Other Girl: My belly button does not accept negative energies from you! I TURN AWAY! I TURN AWAAAAAY!

Belly buttons are just scars, y'all. Scars. Not portals of energy. Lords.

-AC2

Undead Jonas Brothers.

2010-08-02T11:29:00.004-05:00

There are so many contenders for Best Line in this Song.

Lyrics, because they are indeed in the Key of Awesome:

Ill never be an emo vampire
Setting tweenaged loins on fire

I've got nothing in common with the vampires of today
They gaze at girls and pout and brood and then just run away

This Twilight hack thinks she can come along and change the Vampire rules
I guess sleeping in coffins and wearing capes, suddenly isn't cool

Girls wont climb up trees with me or canoodle in the grass
And when I play Vampire baseball I always get picked last

[spoken] Seriously dudes. That's a human you just picked over me.

Ive seduced all kinds of women from all over the world
But, now the only dates I get are with chunky Gothic girls

When did all these Vampires become abstinent and whiny
When I walk into the sun I don't get all bright and shiny

Vampires don't have purity rings like undead Jonas Brothers
If I cant score with these high school girls perhaps Ill go for their mothers

(spoken) Why not? When you're 600 years old there's no such thing as a cougar.

Ill never be an emo vampire
Setting tweenaged loins on fire

Ill have no participation
In this vampire pussification

So wake me up when the world grows a pair. . .of fangs

(spoken)
You thought I was going to say balls didn't you?

And a bonus link, in honor of SHARK WEEK- a National Geographic slide show of terrifying teeth.

-AC2

You'll find him in the Elderly Dutch chatroom

2010-07-27T11:44:00.004-05:00

From the Internets of Moloch, which he owns.

If the Aquatic Cousins ever take an Aquatic Vacay together, it will probably look something like this:

Sourced from the original home of the LOLcats, in case you have been living somewhere very remote and were unaware that cats powered the Internet and Moloch owns it.

He only wants your love. Also, somewhere in New Orleans a twenty-five year old man named Michael is buying a Hand Grenade. Good for him.

-AC2

To get us through a very sad time

2010-07-23T19:41:00.003-05:00

From the desk of AC1, Manda.

To Barton Von Maynard aka Moose, a very dignified and beloved dog:

SILVERDENE EMBLEM O'NEILL, Dalmatian dog, died 1940

Last Will: The great American dramatist Eugene O'Neill wrote this last will and testament to comfort his wife after the death of the family pet, a beautiful dalmatian. It read: "I, Silverdene Emblem O'Neill (familiarly known to my family, friends and acquaintances as Blemie) ... do hereby bury my last will and testament in the mind of my master.... I have little in the way of material things to leave. Dogs are wiser than men. They do not set great store upon things. They do not waste their days hoarding property. They do not ruin their sleep worrying about how to keep the objects they have, and to obtain the objects they have not. There is nothing of value I have to bequeath except my love and faith.

"These I leave to all those who loved me, to my Master and Mistress, who I know will mourn me most....Perhaps it is vain of me to boast when I am so near death, which returns all beasts and vanities to dust, but I have always been an extremely lovable dog.

"I ask my Master and Mistress to remember me always, but not to grieve for me too long. In my life I have tried to be a comfort in time of sorrow, and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain....It is time I said good-bye, too sick a burden on myself and on those who love me. It will be a sorrow to leave them, but not a sorrow to die....

"One last request I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say, 'When Blemie dies we must never have another dog. I love him so much I could never love another one.' Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog again....

"So I suggest a dalmatian as my successor. He can hardly be as well bred or as well mannered or as distinguished and handsome as I was in my prime. My Master and Mistress must not ask the impossible.... To him I bequeath my collar and leash and my overcoat and raincoat, made to order in 1929 at Hermes in Paris....I am sure he will do his utmost not to appear a mere gauche provincial dog....

"One last word of farewell, Dear Master and Mistress. Whenever you visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret but also with happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my long happy life with you: 'Here lies one who loved us and whom we loved.' No matter how deep my sleep I shall hear you, and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail."

-AC1

Satan Cat probably is capable of doing that to my tire WITH THE EVIL IN HER SOUL.

2010-07-23T18:33:00.009-05:00

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.

Today I had a pretty nasty blowout on my way to work; while driving, my cap-less water bottle fell over and started adding a river of water to the interior of my beloved Lafayette (yes, I named my car after a fictional gay man on True Blood) and while reaching over to grab it, I gave the curb a. . .love tap. The curb is apparently not into loving relationships, but rather S&M or perhaps downright abuse.

I'm going with the latter, because the blowout forced my car to slam into the curb a second time, at which point I watched a tiny, silver sliver of something fly into the air as my car wobbled to a sad stop.

That silver sliver, it turns out, was a chunk of my wheel.

When I do a thing, I like to do it right.

That's when I realized I probably should have given in to my first instinct this morning and just never gotten out of bed. Fortunately thanks to the kind efforts of the Chevron Travel Club, the people of Discount Tire company and a credit line from American Express, my car now has a shiny new shoe. I just have to go to the dealer tomorrow morning to make sure I didn't knock it out of alignment. Which. . .seems pretty damn likely.

I sent my mother the following picture to explain what happened:

That is what really happened to my tire.

For some reason she hasn't responded to me yet.

-AC2

GETTIN' down on some home improvement and SH*T

2010-07-20T14:38:00.009-05:00

From the desk of AC1, Mandapants.

For some reason I decided that I should spend my last $50.00 today at the Home Depot! Home Depot you ask? Why yes the good ole Hooome Deeeps! So I ventured over to my local Home Deeps near St. Edwards University and began a quest for home makeover liberation!

When I pulled up there were like 600 some odd Mexican (I assume they were Mexican because I am a racist. .for all I know they could have been Columbians or Ecuadorians whatever) men outside looking for work. Hey more power to ya dudes but I got this situation on lock down! Let me at that paint section bitch! So I strolled on in there like I owned that Home Deeps clad in hot pink shorts and matching headband with my Gucci thrown over my shoulder all casual-like ( I couldn't let on to any of those plumber types that I ain't a professional) and I headed straight over to the section marked PAINT.

I had a clue as to the color I was lookin' fer so I went over to the Behr section (I've heard its the best) and began to peruse the selection. WOW so many options! OOh PINK! ! Oooooh! Oooooh! FOCUS Amanda FOCUS! You are not here to buy pink paint you are here for some shade of white (preferable a bluish white with a name suggesting of something that pairs well with Vodka.. i.e ice cube or glacier). Then like the magical home improvement fairy herself had blessed me I found it! The perfect crisp bluish white color and it is named CLUB SODA! Can you believe that?! Club Soda! Thank you home improvement fairy I shall never forget this!

After doing a dance and a cheer (very discretely, mind you) I sashayed over to the counter and ordered up a gallon of Club Soda in high gloss. The man looked at me very seriously and asked me to hand over the color card (whoops) then he looked up again with a most confused expression on his face and said "High gloss? Are you sure?" Yes? I replied meekly. Was high gloss bad? I thought its shiny finish would look great with my table? Who does he think he is?! I know what I want! GIMME MY HIGH GLOSS CLUB SODA!!! Who does he think I am? Just some idiot girl who hasn't a clue what she is doing *cough*? He instructed me that it would be about 10 minutes so I went hunting for supplies. . obviously I would need a brush right? Yeah and some TAPE! Yeah some plastic to cover the floor and a tray! Yeaaah I got this! By the time I wandered all over gathering these things and accidentally crossed into the plumbing section my paint was ready! Woot! I checked out leaving the Home Deeps and all the Mexicans behind in a cloud of Tonka truck dust headed home to the BDH!

So I may not have a clue what I am doing. . . but so far so good! I remembered to tape the part I didn't want to paint and sanded the legs... two coats later it is lookin' like a white table! A very special white table painted in the perfect shade of CLUB SODA! WHAT?! YEAAAA!

-AC1

My birthday is in two months, you guys.

2010-07-20T11:32:00.002-05:00

THE RETURN OF THE PALLAS CAT!

See more on these adorable monsters at ZooBorns.

Probably the only kitten I could get that would give Satan Cat a run for her money. Because cats have money. I have to go.

-AC2

You musn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.

2010-07-19T15:24:00.006-05:00

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.

Stop whatever it is that you are doing right now, and make plans to go see Inception. Then you will probably want to make plans to see it again because this, my friends, is a movie that is going to make you think- your questions will only lead to more questions. The analytic in me LOVES IT. There is room for endless interpretation (which might tell you a lot about how cynical you are- or hopeful, or vest in the Self. . .you see my point) or you can simply enjoy it for the heist film it is- with a slight horror bent, in that your mind is something you can never really escape. At least not in any way that isn't potentially permanently damaging.

Bless you, Christopher Nolan, for managing to deliver on a movie that is not only thought-provoking, but visually stunning. Or as I put it after my first viewing "fucking beautiful".

May I also add this movie has done nothing to quell my ridiculous crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Call me, JGL.

"You're asking me for Inception. I hope you do understand the gravity of that request."

Trust me, this is one movie that is worth the $7 many times over.

-AC2

ETA: DISCLAIMER: Apparently if I want to give something a good review, I have to tell the Internets that I am not getting paid to do so. HEY INTERNETS, I AM POOR. The end.

(Dear Christopher Nolan,

If you want to give me money to write good reviews, I might not be against that. I am still paying off grad school.

Love, Sparker

PS Just kidding I have artistic integrity. In reviews. I have to go now.)

The cat of chagrin

2010-07-13T10:43:00.003-05:00

A return to the days of PICTURES OF CATS? No. Because this is a video. Use your brain*.

Someone get me one of these dudes for my 25th birthday (YOU ONLY HAVE A LITTLE OVER TWO MONTHS GET CRACKING.)

-AC2

*Unless you're an undead creature who is lacking them, in which case good job navigating the internet.

The Boy Who Lived.

2010-06-29T11:12:00.002-05:00

Guess what went up last night? The Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows trailer.

November cannot get here fast enough.

-AC2

Ain't no panic in my disco, only party. And sparkles.

2010-06-25T12:34:00.000-05:00

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.

My life is pretty ridiculous these days, you guys. Even more so than usual. In the grand tradition of Doing Things At The Last Minute (which I started in Elementary school; you can ask my mother*), I was up until 3am Sunday putting the finishing touches on my Disco!Deer for the First Annual Art Show that my company put on Monday evening.

I always see the emails for these things when they're six weeks away and think My god! I am a good artist! My mom says so! Nevermind that I haven't produced a decent watercolor or paper-mâché Mastiff mask since the 8th grade- I AM AN ARTIST. I WILL PRODUCE NOT ONE- BUT THREE!- PIECES FOR THIS SHOW AND ALL WILL LOVE ME.

Obviously this ends in time and budget constraints that find me shopping for supplies for one piece only at the Kerrville Wal*Mart and spray-painting in the night so I can't get in trouble from my apartment complex's management. (No, I have no idea how that silver paint got on the grass. How mysterious.)

More importantly: What is a Disco!Deer, you may ask? Ask and you shall receive, Reader Dear:

That is a Disco!Deer. My artist's bio, in case you can't read it, says "The more ridiculous, the better."

Now accepting commissions! And I actually have some too- get your orders in today, folks. That one in particular will be on display in my office until July 30th and then will adorn the wall either of my living room or right above the bed in my room. I can't decide which location suits it best; the bedroom is certainly more ridiculous, but the living room is where everyone will be able to see it. DECISIONS. I hear the important ones are what Adulthood is all about. (Don't worry if you are having trouble becoming a Real Adult. You are not alone.)

That's probably the most exciting thing I've done all week too- I spent Tuesday night helping Aquatic Friend Ginger Lauren prepare for her GRE exam (NEVER GO TO GRAD SCHOOL NEVER GOOOOO) by quizzing her on vocab words and coded a large chunk of my thesis data. We are planning to continue the nerdy party into this weekend by using large vocab words while making lump crab dip and having a Harry Potter marathon. Ah, the wild carefree days of young adulthood.

So. Give me more reasons to ignore my thesis and glue shiny shit into cardboard animals instead. Available designs (custom designs- say, a Disco!Unicorn or elk- are available, but require more time and money to make happen):

Elephant
Moose (there's a Sarah Palin joke in here somewhere)
Deer
Rhino
Bison

Email me (sparkeranne at gmail dot com) if you're so inclined as to have this wonder grace your walls.

-AC2

*Procrastination From an Early Age: A Tale by AC2

My mom's favorite thing to hear when I was 10 or 11:

"Mom?"
"What Sarah?"
"I have a project and I need some poster board. Do we have any?"
"No, but we can go to the store. . .wait, when is this project due?"
"Tomorrow."
"SARAH IT IS 8PM."
"Well. . .then we better go to the store?"

It's a good thing I was cute.

Well, I do have green eyes.

2010-06-23T14:31:00.004-05:00

Everyone feel free to hate AC1 because right now she is here

And you are not. Have fun on your travels, Cousin Love! Return to us safe, and with tales of the Actual Aquatics you are partaking in.

-AC2

ETA: From the lovely Emily of Taosim of Emils (whom I met while journeying across Europe in 2007 on the requisite Graduation Trip of Bus Craziness) who it seems is my twin soul- a little dose of happiness (or a mini-vacation if you will) on this Wednesday afternoon.

OK GO- End Love.

The daily Shatner.

2010-06-22T11:25:00.003-05:00

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.

YES.

Carry on, friends. That should put a little jump in your step this Tuesday.

-AC2

Oh what a knight. (TERRIBLE PUN.)

2010-06-18T00:15:00.005-05:00

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.

A COUSIN ADVENTURE OF MONTHS PAST.

Occasionally we are too busy living life or merely trying to survive it with enough sanity at the end of the day to not shave my cat in order to see if the spots are really on her skin and not just her fur like the Wikipedia article says. . .you get the point.

That doesn't mean you don't get stories! See how we positively spoil you.

*Ahem* Once upon a time, outside of Austin, there lived a bootleg Ren-Fair called the Sherwood Forrest Faire (you know it's historically authentic if they try to make it look like it's spelled in Olde English, nevermind most people who work there probably never finished high school let alone The Canterbury Tales). The Aquatic Cousins along with Aquatic Friend Val decided to brave the wilds of this mud-strewn ground in order to pay too much money for the bottles of Yellow Tail that would be necessary to listen to the idiotic ramblings of the weird men who would inevitably try to talk to them.

I wasn't lying about the Yellow Tail. That shit was necessary.

Val went for the Heineken.

AC1 went for the LSD-laced turkey legs. Kidding. They were actually laced with PCP.

You would have wished for barrels of drugs, preferably something to sedate you but not too much because. . .well, you're about to find out. Because someone was there. Someone who found the movie Troy to be historically accurate. Someone who spray tans and probably does P90X while snorting protein powder off that mirror that comes in the Pretty Pretty Princess game.

Whom do I speak of? Oh. I speak of him. (No, not Jesus.)

THIS GUY.

We were so bored we ended up playing Truth or Dare and basically acting like the 13-year-olds that Yellow Tail, Heineken and PCP-laced turkey legs will revert you back to. And so we met these dudes (he had a friend who was at the same level of spray-tan and historically inaccurate costumery) because I was dared to poke them in the abs, which was a bad idea because then I got sandwich-raped while trying not to spill my wine. PRIORITIES. My faith in humanity was restored because a stranger rescued my wine and held it for me.

While this man has been promised to me by both Cousin-Love and Val, I want you to know that at least Val is not alone as she also found her One True Love at the Bootleg Ren-Faire- The Fantastic Mr. Fox.

This dude definitely goes to some Furry conventions.

This dude is authentic. If AC1 wants him, she'll have to fight Jpatt*.

I don't know that I can really follow up the story of my sandwich rape with anything much better- AC1 was whipped by a woman dressed as god-only-knows-what-but-she-had-a-whip and I tried to make Val try on some ridiculous nearly-non-existent costume but there was no changing room and we weren't cruel enough to make her go along with the saleswench's suggestion that Val just "pop into the kitchen; no one will look". I think she also may have suggested an empty stage as a changing room.

The kitchen thing has to violate at least one health code regulation. Of the PCP-laced turkey legs.

Oh god. The end.

-AC2

*Jpatt is an Aquatic Friend from AC2's dorm days; she has a fascination with llamas and her plan to christen one Drama Llama and have him appear whenever anyone is fighting by yelling "DRAMA!" (he'll come when he hears his name called, you see) only he'll be dressed like Liberace and he'll be so ridiculous that everyone will forget what they were upset and fighting about- that shit could bring world peace.

I wanna do bad things with. . .uh. . .Snoop?

2010-06-18T00:09:00.004-05:00

From the bed of AC2, Sparker.

The Aquatic Cousins are great fans of True Blood and invite you to witness this, which AC2 has just seen in all of its confusing wonderment:

I honestly do not even know what to think of this. I can't decide what I love about it more- the terrible background Sookie dancers, the fact that he smokes "Tru Bud" or that he called Sam a bitch (because Sam is totally a bitch).

I'm probably going to watch this thirty more times before I'm sad that I'll never have a gin and juice with Snoop at Merlottes- and I don't even like gin.

-AC2

Crash Course in Awesome!

2010-05-28T12:48:00.008-05:00

From the desk of AC1, Mandapants.

Margaritas and sombreros at Juan's!

As most of you know, we are cousins who are full of awesome- however life has not been so awesome lately. We have had a few deaths this year and turmoil in various other areas of our lives, but we forge ahead and are mo better than evaar!

I had a birthday, and we celebrated Cinco de Mayo early in honor of our dearly departed Granddad.

Bubble Gum Flavored Vodka*. . Don't go there.

We floated the Comal river last weekend with the group DTF (Down to Float) it was a shit show but was very fun! Per the norm Sarah flipped her tube but managed to have her stellar instincts kick in and save the cooler of beer that also contained our keys! Way to go COUSIN LOVE!

Not shockingly Sarah has managed to re-secure her internship for the summer . . . and BAM I have a summer job too! I am not sure my job has a description other than "bitch" but I could make some money and if I can stop drooling over my co-worker who is very married (he just dresses so bad I can't help but picture him naked. AHHHHH stop it!) then it may be a good learning experience for me!

Tonight we celebrate our awesomeness and drink to being back on our feet with the Ladies *cough* of Manhattan at the Alamo Ritz. Yes we are paying money to see Sex and The City 2. . .we should be ashamed, but we are NOT! Woot in the words of one of our favorite blondes Lala Myers LETS GET CRUNK!

So in conclusion dust of your party panties and get back out there!

Ta Ta For NOW!

AC1

*This is what is Aquatic Cousin Tested and Aquatic Cousin Not Approved.

Wake up in the morning feeling like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.

2010-05-24T11:45:00.009-05:00

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.

Life has been ~~kindof~~ a total shitshow recently. I will give you the briefest of summaries and promise that this post, at least, will have a happy conclusion because it is not in the nature of either Aquatic Cousin to be depressive for long. We embrace, we deal, we move on. We tell the internet about it in the interim.

I would first like to have a moment of silence for the sudden and terrible loss of one Mr. Marmalade "Kitten" Jib-Sheet Parker Hansen. A true Aquatic Pet who loved getting in the shower and putting weird shit in his water bowl, he is deeply missed.

Here's to you, my orange fur-child. May you Scuba Cat in peace for all of eternity.

For the inevitable question: I will probably adopt another cat- stray or shelter- in a few months. There is no way I could do that now. Poor Mr. Kitten was not yet 5 years old and I mourn his giraffe patches and deluded "ability" to climb walls. He also enjoyed whiskey*, so pour one out for your orange homie.

My purse was recently stolen also- and although this mostly is an occasion in which you curse the badness of people around you and possibly your own stupidity, mostly you just revel in what a pain in the ass it is to replace everything you own of vital importance. Including your prescription glasses. (I hope the bastard who stole my shit is really blind and likes ten-year outdated Calvin Klein frames.)

This did, however, also give me the opportunity to get some new frames that are too hip for me AND I found the perfect company to give my hard-earned money to: Warby Parker. Why they are awesome:

Buy a pair and they give a pair to someone in need
Affordable as hell: $95 for frames and prescription lenses; only $30 more if you're blind as I am and require high-index lenses (so $125 for frames AND lenses, still)
Shipping included (check out the Free Pledge)
Return shipping and exchanges included
You can have several frames sent to your home for try-on. For free. And return them. For free.
Digital try-ons if you're of the instant-gratification sort
Just look how fucking hip they all are

So: found the silver lining there and I'm excited about that, obviously. GO BUY SOME GLASSES. Or a monocle.

(The ones I chose. The monocle. Only $50.)

In other news, I am currently drafting up a boyfriend application for myself and AC1 since we seem to have dubious luck with men. What sort of questions should we include? I am thinking an initial response to Allie Brosh's Guide to Relationships would be a fantastic indicator of their ability to handle our individual as well as collective awesomeness. Also definitely the following questions:

A pretty accurate depiction of my daily thought process.
Art by Allie Brosh of Hyperbole and a Half.

Preliminary Questions:

On a scale of 1-10, how romantic would you find the gift of a unicorn serenade in your inbox? (Note: the only correct answer is 7 or above.)
Imagine I were to gain a little extra badonk-a-donk. How would you celebrate this?
You have the choice of purchasing me one of the following gifts for my birthday. Which one(s) do you choose? A) God jewelery from James Avery. B) A gift certificate to clone Satan Cat. C) Regretsy Fuck Yeah Level 4 mug, in the stainless steel commuter style. D) A boxed set, collector's edition of Twilight. E) A boxed set, collector's edition of The Dresden Files. F) All of the above. G) Both A&G. H) All but A&G. I) Never B because The Universe would implode. J) socks
Can you cope with being associated/involved with a family to rival that of Arrested Development?
Short Essay Question: What does it mean to wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy?

Automatic Disqualifactions include:

Currently being in a coma
Non-ironic ownership and/or wear of Ed Hardy/Affliction items
Belief that the movie Troy was historically accurate
Belief that Sarah Palin is a legitimate presidential candidate/should be respected for her work in the realm of feminism
Disbelief in the magic and wonder of unicorns

I think that's a good working draft. Feel free to leave your contributions in the comments below.

-AC2

*No I was not an abusive pet-owner. I put my whiskey down once to apply makeup, and found the cat licking the ice cubes. . .while it was still full of whiskey. I took it away from him. I didn't even want to find out how expensive cat-rehab was.

ETA: A fun cousin adventure! I promised you one of those. Here's a sneak peek photo. This particular adventure deserves an entry of its own, methinks. ANTICIPATE.

It's best to suffer.

2010-04-26T12:33:00.005-05:00

I'm not sure how aquatic Granddad ever was, but we lost him yesterday just the same. We'll miss you, Snad. Here's to that big cigar up in the sky- hope there are cognac fountains and Grammie there waiting for you.

When you lose someone you love, you die too, and you wait around for your body to catch up.
John Scalzi, Old Man's War, 2005

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005)

-The Aquatic Cousins

My apartment smells like the Ground Zero of cats.

2010-04-23T14:42:00.008-05:00

From the desk of AC2, Sparker.

Mabry has been married for almost two whole weeks, you guys (I nearly typed y'all- after 24 years, it seems Texas is starting to get to me). I read on Fake e-Etiquette that it is polite to apologize for how little you update at least every three blog posts. I know my six (maybe seven now that KT has joined our ranks) loyal readers are routinely on the edge of their seat, waiting for updates in our lives of aquatic wonder and splendor. For this, I must offer my most heartfelt apology and suggest that the next time this happens, Google for pictures of cats.

In the meantime, we'll be building up a back-log of adventures in photo and prose form to dazzle you with on days when we're working for twelve hours in bluebonnet fields, breaking out in rashes- ah, the glamorous life of a photographer's assistant!- or working for twelve hours helping to put on a corporate summit- ah! the glamorous life of an intern!.

Actually I did get a free mug out of that. YES.

I was about this excited. My love of travel mugs is strong.

Good things come to those who wait, y'all. (Damn it.)

-AC2

Filed under: Cousin Weddings- Salsa Dancing, Tequila Loving Cousin Gets Htiched!

2010-04-12T15:01:00.007-05:00

Oh shit. Somebody got married.

Congrats to Mabry and Brian- it was a beautiful wedding and the entire family had a smashing time. Enjoy the honeymoon! You can argue about taxes when you get home.

Seriously, everybody needed Kleenex and not just because of all the plant sex flying around in the air, affecting everyone's allergies.

You make a beautiful couple, kids. We love you.

-The Aquatic Cousins

He's not quite Diabeetus Cat, but he'll do.

2010-04-09T14:10:00.011-05:00

From the desk of AC2.

We have a guest-cat on our blog today, my favorite obese feline in the whole world- Jung sa ya.

Find more photos of his royal fatness along with tantalizing food porn and recipes at Aquatic Friend Christine's blog Edible Metamorphosis.

You're welcome.

-AC2

COFFE. (Yeah I just made a reference to a typo I made on Twitter this morning. Get excited.)

2010-04-08T15:00:00.004-05:00

From the. . .bed* of AC2.

I'm testing something (and there will be many more edits/updates made to the blog in the near future, but hopefully most of them will go undetected). With any luck, you'll be reading this while I'm teaching poor, unsuspecting undergraduates about autoethnography. (Yeah I just sent your ass to Wikipedia, in case you were too lazy to Google.)

I doubt I have an entire hour and fifteen minutes planned- more like maaaybe forty-five- so they're going to love me.

Speaking of which, I should probably finish preparing that lecture. (I have a complete lesson plan and slides from last year, so there's not much left to do. I'm less of a procrastinator than usual. But still really nervous, for some reason.)

Oh come on, you knew this was coming.

Wish me luck and kitten kisses, whatever the hell that is. At least this morning's procrastination has been productive- I paid an overdue bill (damn you City of Austin, for charging me an extra 88 cents!) and am arranging online set up in the future, to save on paper statements. Because I love the Earth.

-AC2

*T set up the Internet connection in my bedroom so we could watch Netflix on the computer in a comfortable, reclined position without cats climbing all over us. Unfortunately my wireless network has worked maybe twice- thanks AT&T!- so I have to be near the Ethernet cord. Thus: I work from bed. This is both amazing and awful at the same time.

ETA: Test appears to be epic fail. Woe. Will investigate at a later time.

Cats? On the Internet? How novel!

2010-04-07T21:52:00.003-05:00

I feel like this is a pretty accurate summary of what this blog is all about: booze and cats. The occasional chihuahua or aquatic adventure, sure- but we all know cats are the backbone of the Internet, the reason Google still runs.

-AC2

I hope they play "I Do (Cherish You)" by 98 Degrees.

2010-04-06T15:22:00.009-05:00

From the desk of AC2 aka Sparker.

This is what it has come to, until we can persuade AC1 to update. (And the actual wedding of Salsa Dancing Cousin is this weekend, so she'd better hurry up!)

PICTURES OF CATS. (Photos by Wylie Maercklein)

I am Satan!

The Leopard Sausage Waits.

Okay, loyal readers (and I think there might be six of you now) you deserve something more than that, so I have some treats for you. It was, after all, recently Zombie Jesus Day wherein America makes themselves sick on aphrodisiac versions of pagan fertility symbols which actually. . .makes more sense than expected.

Bonus: Aquatic Cousin Approved Crafting Tiiiiime!

Make your own bath mat out of wine corks! No, really. Go here.

And drink some Hello Kitty wine to replenish your stash, because you know friends and family are going to be all over wanting one of those mats for themselves.

Also: while we're on the subject of being crafty: Knitted Knockers! If you're a knitter, consider getting involved. AC1 is teaching me how, but. . .I have a long way to go.

What I'm aiming for: a soft, prosthetic boobie for women recovering from a mastectomy- cheaper and more breathable than a silicone falsie, not to mention available much sooner.

Where I am now: note the hole I somehow managed to create, along with the random loops on the sides, that I also have no idea how I created. I WIN AT KNITTING.

T is just going to LOVE his new potholder.

-AC2

Father time is a bastard.

2010-03-22T22:05:00.008-05:00

I started writing this at least a week ago and never finished, probably because of the mac n' cheese. Enjoy? -AC2

So, two things: I've met my Internet Soulmate and also we've actually had a request for more cat posts.

My attempt at MS Paint artwork. Mrow.

You guys should really pester AC1 to update with photos from the Cousin Bachelorette Weekend: Cousins Take On College Station (and meet a fifteen-year-old-who-looks-like-Rupert-Grint's-double in a bar) because otherwise this blog is probably just going to devolve into pictures of my cats and nothing else. I know, Dear Readership of Five, that this will disappoint you. And then it will just be me reading my own posts.

You did a good job, Sarah! Chin up!

I don't know that I would actually use the phrase "chin up" with myself but then I've been at work for ten hours and haven't eaten dinner yet and the macaroni and cheese just smells so good right now. . .what was I talking about?

Oh right. My Internet Soulmate.

As a prolific reader and procrastinator, I found Hyperbole and a Half and immediately set myself to reading the entire archives when I should have been doing things like working and sleeping. I sent the conversation Allie had with her boyfriend about him killing Phineus, her dream pet unicorn, to my boyfriend because it sounded like a conversation we would have.

T: I stopped reading after the part he said having a unicorn dream 'sounds awesome'. Nobody would say that. She made that up.

I may have to reevaluate our relationship.

Also: CATS!

My name is Wilford Brimley, and I have DIABEETUS.

You're welcome.

Also-Also: Questions? Comments? Concerns? I think you know how that little box below works. Get in it.

-AC2

Stick up for yourself, son. Nevermind what anybody else done.

2010-03-09T11:45:00.005-06:00

This entry features a lot of disjointed thoughts that more or less come together in the end. You're welcome.

Since I'm not terribly hip (I know, completely contrary to appearances, right?) I nearly always get my music passed along from my much cooler friends.

This morning I decided to develop the concept of "Positivity Tuesday" when I failed to get up at 5:30am to work on The Thesis of Doom and instead went back to sleep when the pets of the BDH swarmed on me with nefarious intentions of cuddling, en masse (there are two of them). At least I didn't oversleep like yesterday when my alarm failed to go off! See? Positivity Tuesday.

(At least I am well-rested!. . .Okay I know. I can stop now. But I probably won't. Donuts are good for you because they make you happy! Now you try.)

I'm also living vicariously through the song "Holiday" by Dizzee Rascal as a means to imagine myself in some sort of dysfunctional relationship wherein a man I hardly know pays for me to travel to exotic locals with only a bikini and my passport (which I should probably find in case I suddenly come upon such an offer this weekend). I have a good imagination! Positivity Tuesday.

But my true anthem as of late has been this little gem by Yeasayers, introduced to me by the glorious work bestie Elyse:

Ambling Alp.
My favorite bit of the lyrics are towards the end (I know there are names for sections of song but I've had too much caffeine to remember them right now).

Now the world can be an unfair place at times
But your lows will have their compliment of highs
And if anyone should cheat you
Take advantage of or beat you raise your head
And wear your wounds with pride

Because my thesis beats me. BUT I WILL WEAR MY WOUNDS WITH PRIDE, THESIS. I WILL WEAR THEM WITH PRIDE.

-AC2

And give me any motivational music recs you may have, in the comments. I need more to survive. I can only listen to these two songs on repeat so many times before I get tired of them and go back to listening to Ace of Base/The Spice Girls exclusively.

Whatever they drank in Ancient China probably would make a man out of you.

2010-03-07T03:00:00.007-06:00

From the keyboard of AC2, at 3:00am on a Saturday/Sunday.

So, being the huge nerd that I am I was obviously perusing Cousin Mabry's (Salsa Dancing Cousin? Is that the name we came up with for you? I don't remember. It's 3am and I'm sober.) books on poetry she had checked out from her local, Colorado library, looking for suitable wedding wordage, before the lot of us headed out for her Cousin Bachelorette in College Station.

My favorite of the books? Definitely Bartlett's Poems for Occasions. There are poems in there for just about every occasion, probably including 'becoming a woman'. My favorite, however, was a poem from ancient China entitled "Drinking Alone with the Moon". The text is as follows (and is possibly even better than my epic love poem I Love You More Than Socks):

Drinking Alone with the Moon

From a pot of wine among the flowers
I drank alone. There was no one with me-
Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
To bring me my shadow and make us three.
Alas, the moon was unable to drink
And my shadow tagged me vacantly;
But still for a while I had these friends
To cheer me through the end of spring. . .
I sang. The moon encouraged me.
I danced. My shadow tumbled after.
As long as I knew, we were boon companions.
And then I was drunk, and we lost one another.
. . .Shall goodwill ever be secure?
I watched the long road of the River of Stars.

Li Po
Chinese (701-762)
Translated by Witter Bynner

I don't remember what official occasion that was filed under, but if you find yourself having the occasion of being emo and drunk while alone, then this is certainly the poem for you! Pretty much when I read it I just imagine characters from Mulan stumbling around so blind drunk they can't find their own shadow. I'll make a man out of youuuu!

The promised photos of the Cousin Bachelorette, etc, will have to wait until AC1's return from glorious Costa Rica where she is currently vacationing while I hold down the fort at the BDH. Whence she returns I'll force her to upload all photos recently gathered so we can live vicariously through her. Unless you're on vacation too. Then I'm not sure whether to be flattered that you're reading this on your vacation or chastise you for not going outside. GO OUTSIDE. Unless you're sunburned. Then get you some aloe vera gel, and not with any lotion in it either. Trust me. I'm really pale and I know my shit.

Anyway, in the meantime I can post photos of me coding my thesis in crayon (the things I do to get myself to work, seriously) and you can. . .not be jealous of that at all, really.

Let's get down to business
To defeat the Huns*
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons?
You're the saddest bunch
I ever met
But you can bet
Before we're through
Mister, I'll make a man
out of you. . .

Sing it with me now. (That one's for you, Derek Todor.)

-AC2

*In this rendition, substitute "Huns" with "Thesis" except that really fucks up the rhyming scheme. I'll work on it.

Aquatic Cousins Take on Shasta Tiki Punch

2010-03-01T13:41:00.003-06:00

The Aquatic Cousins took on Family Times in small town rural Texas this weekend and. . .are really tired now. But we wanted to share with you the following reaction video to the wonders of Shasta Tiki Punch. By 'wonders' we mean 'you're probably going to die'.

Further updates on College Station Cousin Bachelorette to follow, including the fifteen-year-old we met in a bar who was born in 1994, looked like Rupert Grint and kept calling me ma'am. No one should be allowed to make me feel so old at the age of 24.

-AC2

I love Jesus but I drink a little.

2010-02-26T12:52:00.004-06:00

The Aquatic Cousins have a lot to bring you, and that does not include excuses or unfulfilled promises. So while we are away in the great wild lands of Small Town, Texas this weekend involved in family shenanigans (which we will of course document for your entertainment), we leave you with one of our very favorite people to fill the lonely hours in the meantime.

Her name is Gladys Hardy and she's a regular caller on the Ellen Degeneres show. AC2 has had the wonderful priviledge of speaking to Gladys on the phone and if ever you needed a better rec of AC2's character, Gladys called her a peach and reminded her to eat some yogurt while she was taking her antibiotics so that. . .well, nevermind.

Ladies, just don't forget. Gladys is a woman of marvelous advice.

You can find more videos of her talking with Ellen on either Ellen's site, or that magical entity known as YouTube.

Keep on keepin' on.

-AC2

Feel the burn. . .no, not that kind. Go to the doctor for that.

2010-02-18T17:14:00.006-06:00

Feel your New Year's commitment to exercise already starting to wane? (If you weren't one of those people diving back into the chips and ice cream on January 15th, that is.)

Never fear. The Aquatic Cousins are here for you, with a source of workout material not far from an eternally overflowing spring of sensory overload. . .because basically that's what it is.

You're welcome.

-AC2

February 15th is Half-Price Chocolate Day.

2010-02-12T10:23:00.007-06:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY FROM THE AQUATIC COUSINS!!!

"Love is like a snowmobile, racing across the tundra when suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." -Matt Groening

I'm posting this a bit early, in case you're also celebrating the Chinese New Year (we're going from the Year of the Ox to the Year of the Tiger- which, coincidentally, AC2 is an Ox and AC1 a Tiger) on Sunday along with any Hallmark Holidays on your horizon. Either way I figure you'll be drunk, so I might as well post this now. I could actually be drunk right now, as there was an ice-luge-sculpture in my office this morning and they were giving out shots of Patron, but I am apparently responsible.

If this is your Sunday, you're either more culturally diverse than me, or you have a rich husband.

Or, you know, trying to get them to hire me full-time and I figure barfing up my coffee and bagels in the kitchen in front of everyone is not really the way to go. Plus I was on a natural high from having won 2nd place in our office Valentine's Poetry Contest. As a special treat, I've included the text below. You're welcome.

I Love You More Than Socks: An Epic Love Poem
By Sparker, Age 24.

I love you more than I love socks
For you I would eat rocks
While you were eating steak

I love you more than I love shoes
I would need more than booze
If our love you did forsake

I love you more than Cheetos
Nothing really rhymes with Cheetos
I think because they're orange

I love you more than naps
And really cool bear traps
That I've seen on the TV

I love you more than outer space
And were you gone without a trace
Well, that would be the end to me

I love you more than peanut butter
Honey, I SWEAR, there isn't any other
Do you believe me now?

I mean. . .

Indeed it is so true, for me there's only you-
Here, I got you this ShamWow.

I know, right? That's pretty special. I personally illustrated some Valentines I'm mailing out to friends/family/internet strangers last night as well:

I should totally be an illustrator.

Anyway, I think that's enough Valentine's well-wishing for you. Go learn about neuroscience or something (CAUTION: contains pictures of cats. What. I got it from her. Don't look at me.)

-AC2

Edward Cullen is a fictional character and he will never love you.

2010-02-11T12:59:00.007-06:00

Hallmark holidays sure are fun, aren't they? The brightly colored merchandise haunting you for months ahead of the actual holiday when you're just trying to buy some partially hydroginated oils in 2/3rds of your groceries, the candy sitting on the shelves for months ahead of the actual holiday (is it creepier that it doesn't go bad in that time?), down to the disappointment setting in months ahead of the actual holiday.

If you're alone, let's remind you and make you feel guilty about drinking 8 bottles of wine with your cats when really that's your activity of choice on any given Sunday. If you're in a couple, let's put tremendous pressure on the both of you to come up with THE MOST ROMANTICAL ACTIVITY OF ALL SPACE AND TIME involving-but-not-limited-to unicorns and air balloons. If you're a Twilight mom, let's give you another excuse to whine over the fact that no one will ever be perfect enough to stalk you and commit necrophilia with like Edward.

If you're of the simpering romantic sort, you are certainly in luck this year as there is an entire movie ripping the well-executed concept away from Love Actually and throwing in some teen stars and Kathy Bates for two scenes to try and expand their audience as much as possible- Valentine's Day!

This movie is completely unpredictable! I have no idea what's going to happen!
I actually used my Twitter account to predict the entire movie, as follows:
@SparkerPants So I just saw a trailer for "Valentine's Day" & that looks horrible. I should start writing these unimaginative scripts. I have no shame.
@SparkerPants Cast:workaholic but otherwise perfect woman in relationship with her vibrating Blackberry- check. Patrick Dempsey will play a doctor- check
@SparkerPants An adorable young child will be adorable. The "perfect couple" will break up. Topher Grace will be slightly awkward/adorably unassuming.
@SparkerPants Wolfboy will bring in the Twilight crowd. Kathy Bates has 2 scenes. Jamie Foxx, Queen Latifah & George Lopez provide DIVERSITY! Also: a dog
@SparkerPants Julia Roberts. . .is an off-duty soldier? Really? Hector Elizondo, remind her she's a hooker with a heart of gold. #valentinesday

Do I have to put "CAUTION: INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS SPOILERS" ahead of that if I haven't even seen the movie yet? Oh, I left out "finding love in an unexpected place" and "Anne Hathaway plays 'slightly racy' character to balance out Topher Grace's haplessness". Reader, I am counting on you not to care. Also I still really want to know how we went from several people named St. Valentine- whom we actually know little to nothing about- being matryed (and probably tortured/stoned/beheaded etc) and/or buried around February 14th to people giving each other half-sincere cards, dying foliage and chocolates of questionable origin and quality.

I mean, don't get me wrong I love presents and getting flowers and everything (because who fucking doesn't love presents, seriously), but I also recognize that getting plants from someone is not a soul-shaking, life-changing event. I do not cry when I get flowers. Unless the cats eat them, break the vase and then barf everywhere.

Happy Valentine's Day! I WANT TO EAT YOUR SOUL.

I can't speak for AC1, but my personal expectations fall more along the lines of wanting a typewriter, a FUCK YEAH LEVEL 4!!! Regretsy mug (in the stainless steel commuter style), or that Austin is Magical shirt with the unicorn wearing cowboy boots. Also my expectations for sweeping romance are pretty low, considering the only boyfriend I ever had on a Valentine's Day bought me raw fish and some HEB red roses (my favorite flower=Gerbera Daisy; my favorite cliche=white horses and pantaloons, not any sort of flower).

Basically I'm encouraging you to go do something you'll actually find fun on Sunday, rather than adhering to any stupid stereotypes. Unless stupid stereotypes are your kind of fun. In that case you're probably from my sorority and stop calling me, I don't want that fucking glorified $100 phonebook.

-AC2

Get to Know AC2. Intimately.

2010-02-09T11:23:00.003-06:00

It's 2010, you guys and that means new and exciting forms of communication and bonding are happening. Yesterday I came across this amazing thing known as an EMAIL SURVEY. It is an unprecedented form of information-sharing across groups of friends. Probably you have never heard of it, because Aquatic Cousins are pretty much ON THE CUTTING EDGE. Of many things- like fashion, technology, muppets. Trufax.

Below is a copy of the EMAIL SURVEY I received from my dear friend Nicole and decided to perpetuate to many of my other friends so that they might learn intimate facts and details about me. Now it's your turn, reader dear.

Feel special. Because you are. I think you're pretty, too.

____________________________________________

Welcome to the 2010 edition of getting to know your friends. (This is also known as a "survey" which you may or may not have experienced countless forwards of in junior high. We're bringing it back, much like the Track Pant is the new TROUSER OF THE SEASON!! Don't believe me? Just check the London Times Online .)

How a survey works, in case you have been chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor all this time, somehow managed to survive and yet have not learned this vital internet skill: Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to your friends including the person who sent it to you. The idea is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends that you might not have known! I think the person that wrote this doesn't know about Facebook.

Just press the 'forward' button then you can erase my answers and add yours. (This direction included for those still using AOL aka don't understand the Internet or email.)

1. High heels or boots?
I keep a pair of roller skates in the office just so I can deliver beer to people while wearing them. (There is a keg in my office.)

2. What time did you get up this morning?
5:30, and went to 6am kickboxing. Do not be impressed; I've only managed this three other times. Usually I repeatedly press the snooze button, trying to remember what I was dreaming about. (Which often includes knife-fights; I think I've been watching too much Legend of the Seeker.)

3. Diamonds or pearls?
Probably you have heard my rant about how diamonds are not rare (see: diamond tipped saw blades) and are horribly overpriced because the DeBeers family owns all of them and just keeps train-car loads back to drive up prices.

Personally I'd rather have a typewriter, the Austin is Magical unicorn shirt (featuring a unicorn wearing cowboy boots) or the FUCK YEAH LEVEL 4!!! Regretsy mug, in the stainless steel commuter style.

Tell me that is not so much better than some damn cliche jewelry.

4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Sherlock Holmes. Robert Downey Jr. . .you're a charismatic bastard, you are.

5. What is your favorite T.V. Show?
TRUE BLOOD! Vampires acting like vampires- it's so novel and wonderful. (Ask Me About My Hatred of Twilight.)

6. What do you usually have for breakfast?
Yogurt & granola, oatmeal, eggs or some fantastically horrible thing we have at the office (like half-stale leftover birthday cake or breakfast tacos. . .mmmm health food).

7. What is your middle name?
Anne. My initials spell tree residue. Still lobbying to change it to Jesus (my parents' names are Mary and Joseph) so I can be SJP. . .but obviously this would be an upgrade from "Jessica".

8. What food do you dislike?
Most land animals with very specific & few exceptions, olives, melons, any candy that is not chocolate, inferior chocolate, babies (possibly also considered a land animal)

9. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
Bootie Mix '09, the very best in mash-ups that the Internets has to offer. Download for free, here: http://www.bootiemashup.com/bestof/

10. Favorite Clothing?
My £71 sweatpants that I love to wear with my stiletto booties. HIGH FASHION!

11. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
New Zealand. Anywhere but Siberia or any African nation currently undergoing civil war, pretty much. Or anywhere in Mexico I am likely to get shot or kidnapped. Not the sort of "authentic local experience" I'm really looking for.

12. Are you an organized person?

I can find all of my shit (except for my Passport, come to think of it) but you probably could not. However if this was a job interview: my spreadsheets have spreadsheets.

13. Where would you like to retire?

Texas Hill Country, southern Italy on the Mediterranean. . .you know, I'm pretty easy.

14. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
24 was pretty awesome because it lasted nearly a month with belated celebrations happening. 25, however, will be a FUCK YEAH LEVEL 4!!! birthday.

15. What are you going to do when you finish this?
Probably indulge in some more whimsical fuckery on Regretsy.

16. Furthest place you are sending this?
Email travels the world. We know this and rejoice in the saved postage. No one cares.

17. Person you expect to send it back first?
Old Gregg. It would make a nice break from his afternoon of watercolors, Baileys, doodling "Mrs. Howard Moon" in his notebook and conditioning his seaweed.

18. When is your BIRTHDAY?
September 29th is when I celebrate my Womb Emancipation.

19. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Both, unfortunately. Soon I'll be on the P.Diddy schedule of sleeping once every 72hrs. (We're close. I follow him on Twitter. He makes more sense than MC Hammer, which isn't really that hard to do. GO HAMM ON IT! Yeah I don't know what that means either.)

20. Do you have any animals?
CATS.

Also unikeys.

21. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
My sorority had me call them and give them my information to be part of an Alumnae Directory, then tried to sell me said glorified phone book for $100. During the conversation they asked me in two different ways if I was married and refused to let me put my cats down as children.

I get to send in a photo of my choice and a short personal essay. This is going to be fun.

22. What did you want to be when you were little?
Belly-dancing truck driver. Of semi-trucks. I made an illustrated pop-up book about it in high school. My plan was to belly dance at the truck stops. I hadn't learned about issues of personal safety yet, apparently. (I came up with this plan at age 2.)

23. What is your favorite flower?
Gerbera Daisy (only Elyse will get this, but: SET YOUR ALARM FOR CHICKEN!)

24. What is a date on the calendar to which you are looking forward?
December 21, 2012.

25. What was the last thing you ate?
A free parfait sample at Fancy Chick-fil-a

26. Do you wish upon stars?
I scared away one of the design interns with my fervent love of amateur astronomy, talking about the newly remastered/re-released Whirlpool Galaxy photos.

27. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
What color is whimsical fuckery? Probably purple.

28 . How is the weather right now?
You're really grasping for conversation here, survey. If you were trying to work up to asking me out on a date, I would probably turn you down.

29. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
I just listened to a voicemail from Jamie at Martial Way Academy, the place where I train in kickboxing. I almost passed out twice this morning during the 6am class because it turns out yesterday's diet of cheesecake, beer and a frozen burrito was not enough to sustain an intense early-morning workout. WHO KNEW.

30. Favorite soft drink.
I have a fountain Diet Coke every once in a while (I have a fervent hatred of Dr. Pepper, do not bring that shit anywhere near me) but never more than two because I fear turning out like Aunt Alida who- and let me make it clear that I am absolutely not exaggerating here- goes through EIGHT 12-packs of Diet Coke a week. A WEEK. The woman cannot possibly have any bones left.

31. Favorite restaurant?
Can anyone explain to me why The Cheesecake Factory has faux-Egyptian decor? And decorations that look like the Eye of Sauron? This is not my favorite restaurant by any means, I am just confused as hell.

32. Hair color?
After many years and unfortunate decisions- including the week my hair was four different colors and for two days at a time resembled either Vitamin C (". . .put a smile on your faaaace") or Angela from My So-Called Life (but even more maroon)- we are finally back to the natural auburn and HERE WE WILL STAY.

33. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Roe. If you have not 'met' Roe, I will probably present him to you as a means to freak you out. Small, lumpy and grey, he is supposed to be a gorilla and was once a bright reddish orange; he has traveled more than some people (as I took him literally everywhere with me from the age of 8 months to 10 years) and almost been left in numerous exotic locations, including the sheets of a bed in New Mexico and an antique store in small-town Somewhere.

I cried and we went back to get him (that was both times). The owner had left him sitting on the porch in a rocking chair (this was obviously not the incident with the sheets, where I found him in the sheets).

Now several brain transplants of cotton balls, new arms and several eye surgeries with black paint later, holes have ripped in Roe's head to resemble eyebrows and YET HE LIVES ON. There's even a voice we do for him.

(And my parents totally don't get why people are massively unsettled by him.)

34. Summer or winter?
There is a reason I live in Texas and it is not for the chicken-fried bacon in Snook.

35. Chocolate or vanilla?
Pumpkin.

36. Coffee or tea?
The Aquatic Cousins live on caffeine and dreams.

37. Favorite food of all time?
Cheese. Unless wine is a food?

38. Do you want your friends to email you back?
I hate all of you.

39. When was the last time you cried?

When Elizabetsy's kitten Otis died. I called my father, who is hard of hearing and consequently we ended up having two separate conversations.

"Well when they get old, sometimes it's just time, you know?"
"No Dad, it was a kitten. A KITTEN."
"How old?"
"LESS THAN A YEAR OLD. KI-TT-EN."
"Oh. Well that's just too bad then."

This may or may not have been the night I spent three hours on the phone with him until nearly one in the morning wherein we discussed many historical events including the downfall of extremely high-waisted men's pants, held up with short suspenders. I have a quote from him somewhere about how "you'd have to use a hacksaw and bend yourself in two" in order to wear those pants now. I don't even know. We may both have been drinking.

40. What is under your bed?
The souls of uninteresting children.

41. What did you do last night?
Drove into the suburbs to watch the Super Bowl, consequently having a mild panic attack in the car upon seeing children's toys in the yards and imagining block parties and parents yelling at you to SLOW DOWN, THERE ARE CHILDREN when you are driving 10mph. . .OH GOD OH GOD I JUST LEFT HERE SIX YEARS AGO IT'S TOO SOON TO BE BACK TOO SOOOOON!

I never want to live more than a few miles away from downtown.

42. What are you afraid of?
Clowns. Pregnancy. The suburbs. Needles.

44. Best quality you have?
Whimsical Fuckery.

45. How many years at your current job?
If you are to believe my keychain, I am FULL-TIME AWESOME and that's been pretty much my whole life.

46. Favorite day of the week?
Caturday.

7. Positive or negative?
Workout Boyfriend doesn't think I'm as much of an optimist as I clearly am, but I think he's just projecting himself onto me, being the "realist" that he is (read: pessimist).

48. How many people will you send this to?
I'll just blind-copy everyone and then YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, SURVEY, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.

49. How many will respond?
I'm tired.

50. Do you like finding out all this stuff about your friends?
I really hope Rebecca fills this out. In the guise of Old Gregg.

-AC2

2010 The Year of the Cougar

2010-01-23T15:16:00.042-06:00

Here we are, two Aquatic Cousins once again separated by miles of land. What is an Aquatic Cousin to do all alone? Something AQUATIC!

First lets recap shall we? Lets take it back to the end of December 2009.

Chapter One:

(For the sake of all those involved the names of the participants will be changed. Please do not let this effect your opinion of the following chapter or chapters.)

Ever done it with a Cougar?

I have asked this of my male friends many times. Now shall we go a Cougaring?

K & G

Feature above, out-of-town-Cousin (aka Umbrella Dancing Cousin) and her Man came to the ATX to have a pre-NYE celebration! We all met up at their favorite wine dive and had a few. We then proceeded to a bar that for this blog we will call Red Velvet. There we smoked a little tabackie from a Hookah and had some cocktails. It was at Red Velvet that we saw a young lad escort a dancing Cougar through the bar. We all of course laughed about this odd couple and it was not until later that I realized that this young lad was in fact "Baby Brandon"- friend of my friend [another] Brandon. Brandon had been searching all over the warehouse district for Baby Brandon and his group of friends, little did we all know that Baby Brandon had gone A-Cougaring.

I have done New Years with one (yes a Cougar) ...and shall we say that the lore of the Cougar outdoes her actual performance? Well hell yes, I shall! Perhaps it was a bad idea to bring a 51 year old divorcee with two 20-somethings to a dance party?! Yes, Svetlana sadly it was! While I do love a bit of Cougar company now and again, this was not the time, nor the place.

We had planned a non-stop, dance-a-thon, party adventure sure to last all night, but what happened was of a completely different nature. After a stop for sushi, numerous glasses of wine, and two hours of dancing, Svetlana and I escorted our falling-to-pieces Cougar home only minutes after midnight! Sadly we missed out on Flosstradamus which is what we had come for!

Let me say this as a cautionary tale to all you Cougars out there: Xanex, Cougars, is not your friend! Even when suffering extreme emotional trauma, use it with discretion and not when drinking in public for crying out loud! This was not a pretty sight. . . groping us, hitting on fat security guards. . terrible! By the time we returned to the car, retrieved a return mode of transport and drove her back to he ritzy home in the Hills (where she forced us to eat organic nuts and other produce), we scarcely had time to sprint into the nearest bar for one more drink! This NYE could not be saved for this Aquatic Cousin or her very dear Svetlana. I do hope that your New Year Celebration faired better!

Chapter Two:

Here We Go a Road tripping!

The Tale of Mission Return the Moo.

I will say that the Aquatic Cousin's are in general known for their splendid ideas, Bedazzling etc. I recently had what I think may have been one of my better ideas (actually that is a total lie, it is turning out to be one of the worst! More on that later....)! Road trip Return the Moo! As most of you know my very dear man friend SGT. Inconvenience has been in the Middle East doing creepy Special Forces military stuffs. . .hence why I have been harboring the Moo and the man truck for 7 months! So I thought to myself I have to return the aforementioned man garb and why not make it a party?

After a three day visit to San Antonio, to be with my favorite Aunt Deb while she had surgery I really needed to have some fun (you will be pleased to know that she is doing very well two weeks post Op)! So I said "Hey Mommies! Y'all want to ride as far as New Orleans with me and the old dog and we can have us a girls weekend?" They being the wonderful mothers that they are said "OF COURSE AMANDA! THAT SOUNDS GREAT!" (notice the all caps for this is how a cougar types). So onward we went to NOLA!

The three of us (Me, my Mum, Molly-Ryan's Mum-and Moo) all piled into the Maynard mobile and began the journey. I for one have never driven a giant man truck on a road trip before and while the truck its self is fun to drive, putting all of our junk in the back was a bit unsettling considering all the rain, so we took it easy and stopped for the night in Lake Charles, LA. We grabbed some rooms at the local LaQuinta and headed over to a local spot called Steam Boat Bill's.

Notice the Gator in the back?

I had some amazing Gumbo which I of course filled with Tabasco and I think the Mom's both had shrimp of some sort.This joint was high class as I am sure you can tell from the previous photo. If you have any doubt let me supply this next image for further evidence.

Sutter Home, Sauvignon Blanc. . tastes like Bananas!

The next morning, not bright, nor early we exited the LaQuinta and continued on our trek through the rain toward NOLA. Let me just say that as far as my experience goes, Texas has by far the best Highway system in the nation (as far as clarity and road surface go anyway)! We used the iPhone GPS and didn't get lost, which was a complete shock to me since I always get lost! Once we arrived in New Orleans the B&B Mom had reserved in the Garden District turned out to be a bust. . . lets just say I was worried about the dog sleeping on the floors in this joint. Lets not talk about the sheets on the beds. . .one word, horrific! I could not allow two cute Cougars to sleep in a place like this, so we headed to the Sheraton on Canal which was much more our style.

We had such a great time, and even got to stay an extra day due to a collective Blonde Moment on the part of the Moms. We ate at Emeril's Delmonico, had Brunch at Brennan's, visited the Carosel Bar in the Hotel Monteleone, had a PoBoy at Johnny's and saw the sights of NOLA. Including the Famous Bourbon Street...

Me and Molly on Bourbon Street with my Stalker

The Audubon Aquarium of the Americas...

Look a baby Sarah!
AC2 ETA: This is totally me, down to the outfit. Amazing.

The Aquarium was uber cool! They had Sea Horses! Which I love, love! They also had otters and giant catfish! When I say giant I mean like 30 pounders. . .YIKES!

My favorite Aquatic Creature (other than Sarah)!

We also took a carriage ride in buggy pulled by a Mule named Mike!

I think that may have been the highlight for me (yes, I am serious). Mike's driver Charlie drove us around town and showed us the historic sights of the French Quarter, and the St. Luis cemetery, where we saw the grave of the famed Voodoo Goddess Marie Laveau!

Charlie told us that if you leave a token, mark the grave with three x's and then spin in a circle and make a wish that perhaps Marie will grant it. If she does you are to come back and circle your x's! Pretty cool huh? Bet you want to know what I wished for or left as a token?

Then Charlie showed us where the original Pimm's cup was made, Napoleon House. It was fun and delicious!

Come on doesn't Molly look thrilled that I dragged her on this trip?

Ok so this trip was decidedly not Aquatic except for the Aquarium and the rain, but it was still really fun!

So, after a quick goodbye to the Mom's Tuesday morning I showered and headed out of New Orleans with the old Moo headed for Alabama. It was only about a 6 hour drive to Birmingham

Moose Looking out the window of our 21 floor room

which is where I stopped, because my cousin Adam lives round that way in a town called Vestavia Hills. Remember that show Hoover High or something like that about the Hoover High School Football team? Well Hoover is just around the corner from Vestavia. . I drove through it. HUGE Stadium! Totally ridiculous! Whatever. . . tax payer dollars at work right?

Cousin Adam and I hung out at my home away from home, the fair LaQuinta Inn. . . It was a lovely room honestly especially for the price! Once again Moo man and I were lucky enough to secure a room directly across from the back door which made things a breeze for him. Traveling with big dogs can be hard, but this trip was surprisingly easy! Adam and I had some delicious pizza for dinner and caught up on what has transpired in our lives since we last saw one another three years ago. He is such a wonderful person! He has really grown up to be a very generous and good looking young man! He is hilarious to boot! He and my Daddy are always making bets on things and this time, per the usual Adam lost and owes my Dad $50.00. Along with the fifty he sent a ten dollar gift card to Mc Donald's, because my Dad complains that Adam never takes him anywhere nice. I'm sure my dad will be thrilled and order off the Dollar menu.

In conclusion (because I am tired of writing and this road trip) for those of you who don't already know and actually read this, my journey has ended in Fayetteville, NC where it is currently snowing. I do not know how long old Moo and I will be marooned here, but we are looking forward to the day when our road trip has come to a conclusion and we return to the BDH.

Please stay tuned for the next installment: AQUATIC COUSINS TAKE VALENTINES DAY!!!

It's a New Year, My Dear.

2010-01-08T15:34:00.007-06:00

I am not entirely sure, Readers Dear, how we have managed to already traipse along the month of January in the year of our Lord Old Gregg 2010 to the twelfth day.

The Aquatic Cousins have been engaged in separate journeys thus far in this new year and new decade (oh shut up I know it's not really a new decade, but some of us are eager for fresh starts over here)- I, AC2, went camping on the Eve of New Year's Eve in the forty degree weather because that was an amazing idea and subsequently had my voice repossessed in the Return of My Christmas Illness.

On actual New Year's Eve I still wore my blue dress with the Lady Gaga shoulder pads (I really wish I had a proper photo of that to show you, but I failed in my usual zest for photography) and croaked at friends and co-workers in the early hours of our Fresh New Start while drinking champagne from everything but a proper champagne glass. I am classy to the end, my dears. To the end.

AC1 went to a magical concert (INDOORS! Where it is warm!) of our previously recommended musical loves Flosstradamus and I am sure she will fill you in on her happenings there at a later date.

In semi-related news, I received not one, but TWO Edward Cullen dolls over the course of the holidays. You may assume one of the following from this statement of unfortunate fact:

1) I am secretly a die-hard Twilight fan and make out with both of them before I go to bed every night/am going to order that Regretsy wall decor to cement my stance in life

2) I hate everyone that I know

3) I firmly believe that Robert Pattinson is crying somewhere because all these creepy likenesses of him are roaming around the face of the planet/the bag of that creepy lady

I think you can probably figure out my stance on the matter of Twilight, especially if I point you in the direction of something lovely I was sent by two different people in the course of several minutes last night, including my boss. (I was also Re-Tweeted the same @FakeAPStylebook entry within minutes this morning. . .so basically The Internets at Large knows me as a Crazy Cat Lady with a hatred of all mediocre vampire literature. Awesome.)

As far as Resolutions go, I hereby declare the following for the Aquatic Cousins:

Complete Bedazzling Project
Commence and Complete Disco!Deer Project
Engage in the Consumption of Cooks Together, on One or Both Occasions
Be More Awesome (this may not actually be possible)

I haven't run those past AC1 but I'm sure she'll agree that they are more than worthy for our conduct in this New Year.

This is AC2 (using a photo of AC1) wishing you a prosperous and joyful New Year.

It's a New Years Kiss, from the Aquatic Cousins to you, baby.

-AC2

Winner Winner, Pescetarian Dinner.

2009-12-29T11:58:00.007-06:00

You will be most proud to know, Readers Dear, that your esteemed Aquatic Cousin 2 (that would be me, Sparker) won her office holiday Tacky Sweater Contest. That would be a beer that I am holding to celebrate. Also, yes, I am wearing TWO tacky sweater simultaneously. Also-also: I received a choice pair of Grinch pajamas as my prize*, which you can bet your sweet ass I wore from that night through Christmas in my wave of unfortunate Christmas Illness.

(The main perk to being sick on Christmas as an adult only child is that your dad puts medicinal booze in your hot tea and mom lets you have control over the television so that all crazy aunts have to watch their "stories" in the back bedroom. Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye, nurse me back to health with your wacky holiday hi-jinx!)

Ahem. I would like to put in an honorable mention to AC1, who loaned me those fahhhhbulous white furry boots to complete my ensemble, and JPatt** who originally crafted the fine outer sweater, which so far holds a 100% record in winning all tacky contests it has been a part of. Rejoice. Deck the Halls. Etc.

My Christmas gift from AC2. He has moved into my cubicle because I sure as hell don't want him at my apartment, watching me sleep.

I have also proudly won two Starbucks gift cards through my company's Twitter Holiday Stories contest- if you're on Twitter, post a holiday story with the hashtag #bvhs and you're up to win a $10 Starbucks giftcard prize each day and will go into the drawing to win the $500 AMEX card overall prize. You can read all of the winning stories here. My two winning posts (I did not cheat, thank you, I have two separate accounts) are as follows, in case you were in want of example and too lazy or drunk to click that other link:

@SparkerPants Favorite holiday moment of being a vegetarian: Aunt pulls bird out of oven, remarks "Oh! There were plastic bags of guts in there?" #bvhs

@Intrepid_Intern This will be my first Christmas as a newlywed, or it would be if I had gotten married in the last year. So 24th Xmas w/my delusions. #bvhs

Happy Holidays folks! We here at Aquatic Headquarters hope that you've gotten all that makes you Merry & Bright, or you've exchanged for it and did not die in the hordes of pre-teens questing after Twilight merchandise at the mall, or you've stockpiled enough booze and dangerous fireworks to use on Thursday to forget all of your worldly woes.

Cheers.

-AC2

* & ** really: Jpatt first debuted this sweater at a party we attended our sophomore year of college and won the contest; the prize, unfortunately, was a bottle of urine. I am not even joking. She also won a bear dressed in a unicorn suit which I was really upset she did not regift to me because I am seven.

Vintage holiday party enjoyments with the Patt of J.

Away in a manger/my buried credit card bills. . .

2009-12-14T11:13:00.006-06:00

A lot happens on the Cousin Front pretty regularly and sometimes it is with great sadness that we cannot tell you about all of it in the manner we would like. Some of it might get us arrested and some might just mildly scar our family members (we don't know anything about the roving pack of feral chihuahuas, trained to drink mescal and pick up ladies by Scrappy).

We do, however, want to wish you the merriest and happiest of holidays, starting right here and right now. It's only 11 days 'til Christmas, folks- make sure you place your orders for Sophies and Firefly for the Aquatic Cousins. We even write old-fashioned thank you notes, so it's completely worth your while to add us to your gifting listing.

To your above left: Merry Happy Holidays, you pagans with your yule logs and you Christians with your 6lb 8oz little infant baby Jesus who was actually most likely born in the spring. You guys crazy. I love you. Also to all you Hannukah and Kwanza celebrating folk- I wish you delicious potato pancakes (I saw a recipe for spicy sweet potato latkes- damn do they sound good) and a good reaffirming of your African roots which I know is not a replacement for Christmas, but a celebration of culture.

So that was partly PC and only mildly insulted the religion I grew up with. I should totally be in PR (oh wait, I sortof am. . .)

And as further proof that you wish you worked where I do, please observe the following video below:

Merry Happy Tra-la-la, folks. Keep it in the family. (I don't know what I mean by that either, really. It's Monday. )

-AC2

The Most Wonderful Time for Beer (or Firefly).

2009-12-02T15:50:00.003-06:00

Wondering what to buy an Aquatic Cousin this holiday season? I don't know about Sarah but I have my eye on a certain costume. Please take a look at the video below.

Yep that's right this Aquatic Cousin has a love affair with Star Wars and the men of the Imperial Forces! I really do think that a Storm Trooper costume would round out my wardrobe!

Purdy PLEEAAAASE!

Trufax.

2009-12-01T13:02:00.004-06:00

We know we talk about Sophies an awful lot here on the cousin blog (when in actuality we- being young and poor- drink a lot more magnums of Cooks because we are classy that way) and it is possible it has been mentioned before and I am just too lazy to look through the archives to find it, but I thought it was time, Reader Dear, that you knew something:

FIREFLY: THE OFFICIAL VODKA OF THE AQUATIC COUSINS.

Being Texas girls born and bred, our Southern souls could not resist the siren call of the sweet tea vodka once introduced. Now a staple during nights out in Austin-town, or nights in the BDH bedazzling, it is in heavy rotation on our drink-of-choice roster. We recommend it on the rocks, with water and a little lemon. Simply delicious.

You can check out their website here- be prepared to jam out to some sweet tunes upon the loading of it (so if you're in the office like I am, bust out those headphones). I was a little surprised to go from my Phoenix Pandora station to the rockus sounds of the South, but not unpleasantly so.

In conclusion: put a little South in your mouth. (Saw this magical phrase on their Twitter account- I have to say, it's the first time I've seen this phrase used in conjunction with something other than the South Alabama Sailing Team. Bless you Kleinschrodt brothers, wherever you are.)

-AC2

A trip, a party, a spider, a turkey.

2009-11-14T19:43:00.019-06:00

So recently this Aquatic Cousin returned from San Francisco where I spent Halloween visiting with Empty Chair Cousin (or Best Dancer Cousin). We had a splendid adventure which included the commandeering of a Fauxconut for the afore mentioned cousin. We had some spectacular meals my favorite being the brunch we had at Foreign Cinema.

We saw the Dirty Pro's at Bimbo's and danced the night away! The Aquatic Cousins saw them at ACL aka Mud Fest 09, but they were way better at a smaller indoor venue.

The highlight of my Halloween was the Pre-Halloween party we hosted at Empty Chair Cousin's apartment it gave everyone the chance to test out their costumes and we had quite the turnout. It was a hit thanks to the loot we scored from Tartine Bakery! Yum!

Actual Halloween was a most magical adventure comprised of walks, party hopping and dancing with strangers dressed as the Iceman and Maverick. I may or may not have carried around my own bottle of white wine toward the end of the night. . . ha.

Now home and broke I am trying to live more modestly *cough* so I had a girly dinner with Lana, Val, April and Jessica at Eastside Cafe. Alana and I shared Ruby Trout in a ginger cream and mushroom sauce! It was delicious and I would recommend it to anyone! Alana and I then traveled back over to my hood and went to a house party thrown by Ginger Lauren a good friend of AC2. The party was a hit. . .for many reasons. I like it because Worth and the crew showed unexpectedly, AC2 liked it because there were men doing Martial Arts...

We both enjoyed the jello shots and drunk Alana!

The next night the Aquatic Cousins ventured to Spider House to get "work" done and then into downtown Austin. It was Peyton's birthday so we hit up 219 west and had some cake and cocktails. Afterward I may or may not have made my cousin go with to Lucky Lounge for some cheap doubles :D WoooHoo! From there it went downhill and. . .let's just leave it at that.

TIME FOR A VIDEO THAT IS COMPLETELY POINTLESS!

I feel refreshed! How about you?

So now that we have seen some squawking muppets do a rock opera, let's talk about the less talented Adam Lambert aka Glambert!

So we all know he is gay and was on American Idol right? Well apparently he decided to makeout with his keyboard player on stage (click on his name above to see the full video via Youtube.) at the American Music Awards- and well, it caused some backlash. Oh really like that wasn't planned! Well in any case, Diane Sawyer just said no to Glambert and cancelled his performance the following morning on Good Morning America. Isn't it a sad time when a boy can't kiss another boy on national television? Does anyone else remember a similar performance from a few years back? Madonna/ Brit-Brit/ Christina mackin' down to "Like a Virgin"?

Did you notice Justin Timberlake and his disapproving face? Funny! Basically what I am saying is the same old shit has happened but Glambert is far less entertaining and I think he sucks (well no kidding right, ew).

Bitchin' Thread's Glambert! And that is just what he wears to go to the Grocery store!

So now Turkey day is upon us! For the festivities tomorrow I will be here in Wimberley with the Romano's (god help me). Dad and I have this whole awkward, haven't-spoken-in-a-month little problem and then my Aunt Debra has the big "C". It will be tough with that stuff looming about, not to mention that it is a DRY event as all the Romano functions are. Hopefully I can hide out in Morgan's room and play Rock Band with her.

Then Saturday it is the Parker Family Thanksgiving at the G-Bar Ranch. We will venture into Aggie territory for this event, please prey for our speedy return! Thankfully and not so thankfully the Parker family likes its booze and that will help make it more bearable.

Our Granddad is dying and the whole family isn't doing a very good job of handling the whole thing. Still no Hospice and we needed them a week ago. It really isn't the place of the Aquatic Cousins to intervene so we are just innocent passengers on this derailing train of doom. Woe.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yeah. . . . YOU'RE WELCOME!

Also a special thank you to all our service men and women on this fine holiday! Especially to the favorite Army man of the Aquatic Cousins, we will drink in your honor sir!

This is AC1 saying good luck to you during this holiday season, and remember you can't spell the word Families without the word LIES!

** There will be more photos of the misc. adventures when blogger and the internet decide to like me again.

When I Grow Up I Wanna be Stacy (or Lafayette)

2009-11-10T14:40:00.008-06:00

I am here today, readers fair, to implore those of you in the Austin area to consider coming out to Martial Way Academy ~~next week~~ THIS WEEK NOV 16-20TH for FREE CLASSES! and to help us meet some special goals as we drift ever-closer to that magical time of year (before the time of year where you cry over your credit card bills and wonder why you bought so many presents for your undeserving relatives and boring co-workers).

I will be there, hopefully four times- a lofty goal considering my insane schedule- to participate in the Kick-a-Thon and to donate some money for a student who came down with Guillian-Barre' syndrome a few weeks ago and nearly died from it. Take it from me, this lady is AWESOME and I wanna be like her when I grow up- she does push-ups on her knuckles and I'm still doing the girly kind on my knees (damn my trick ankle. . .yes I'm seventy-five). It's also a great example of what a fantastic little family I'm so glad to have become a part of at Martial Way- how many other places do you think would help raise money for a student's medical bills? It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and less cynical.

There's also a sweet Thanksgiving Special going with a few slots left, if you decide you like your free class and would like to sign up for a two-month commitment. I did a similar program over the summer and got hooked. I've even gone so far as to purchase my very own Thai kickboxing pads that live in the back of Lafayette* and confuse many passengers.

Moral of the Blog-Post Story: Think kind thoughts and come out to Martial Way if you're so inclined, if just to burn off some calories before eating an entire pie on Thanksgiving.

ALSO-ALSO: You can SPONSOR ME in the Kick-a-Thon for something like a nickel a kick. We're aiming for a thousand a class! I'll post my results here.

ETA: Wednesday class 750 kicks. Not too bad!
Thursday class 1064 kicks- putting the week's total at 1814

-AC2

*Lafayette is the name of my Ford Edge; he was thusly named for the party in his cupholders (or the ambient lighting feature in the interior; this does not mean I condone drinking and driving). I felt Lafayette the character from True Blood and the Charlene Harris Southern Vampire series would approve.

Check him out. He approves.

Gregg Phone: Does not have tutu, decidedly not aquatic

2009-11-02T12:50:00.007-06:00

In keeping with my (AC2 or Sparker, if you will) incredibly varied sense of coordination, I managed to drop Gregg the 3G iPhone into a glass of water sitting in my cup-holder on Friday evening as I was leaving Zen with my tasty takeout wares.

Usually there is a party* in my cupholders and not water. But though Gregg Phone was named for Old Gregg of Mighty Boosh fame, he is not in fact semi-aquatic as his namesake is, or at least doesn't seem to be after spending two days in a bag of rice and being charged overnight. I still hold out slim hope, but I'm guessing he has died an early death at the age of one year. I am sad. He was loved and also I am broke and not sure I can afford to replace him in the manner I would wish to.

Let's have a moment of silence for brave Gregg Phone, who tried to imitate the semi-aquatic ways of both his owner and his namesake. Deep breath. Let us now move on to happier and more prosperous waters: COUSIN ADVENTURES!

The Aquatic Cousins have been adventuring somewhat seperately lately, with AC1 visiting Empty Chair Cousin in San Fran and AC2 (me) holding down the BDH** fort with the Pointy-eared Canine Brigade (pictured below) while attempting to work and avoid my thesis at all costs, instead playing with AC1's closet and making new outfits from its contents. Also I did laundry last night.

Pointy-eared Canine Brigade

I did, however, have a fabulous adventure with work bestie Elyse- on Halloween after taking the Pointy-eared Canine Brigade for a long walk through the park, she suggested we randomly venture to Houston to see Hanson in concert. I agreed, as long as we left early the next day to return to the dogs, lest they be neglected in my charge (they are my nephews, after all).

At this point, Dear Reader, you are probably having one of a few reactions:
1) Holy shit, I haven't thought about Hanson in years. Aren't they all married now or something? They're still around doing musical things? (Yes and yes.)
2) Hahaha Hanson is so stupid! Did they play MmmBop? Do they all still look like girls? (Well Taylor rather looked like a gay pirate, but we'll get to that in a minute.)
3) OMG I LOVE HANSON! (You are probably the rarer reader and possibly named Laura Taylor)
4) I'm hungry. (You're a person after my own stomach, Reader Dear)

I have to say, I am up for pretty much any random adventure and what happened in the course of this evening- involving a faux Spanish man from Craigslist and my costume of "The Death of All Your Hopes and Dreams" among other things- most definitely qualified in all aspects. I mean, their encore was a cover of Thriller.

Does that not say it all? My favorite part is the guy from one of the opening bands who is just wandering around the stage with a beer. The video doesn't show it, but he basically fell off of the stage headfirst, between stage and barrier. That's the part where Taylor stops singing and starts laughing, looking mightily like a gay pirate (he had stripped off the other components of their costume as The Three Amigos) as he goes to help him back up.

After the show we met up with my first wife/godsister/bestie Rebecca and her husband Michael who were on a pub crawl in Montrose (this act combined both my love for them and my need to not sleep in my car or drive back to Austin at midnight). Elyse and I were sadly without costume as we had assumed the concert would get out a bit later than it did, but I still had my temporary roller derby tattoos on from work the day before (see: photo at top of this post; please do not think I'd be dumb enough to ever actually get an Ed Hardy neck tattoo) and since I was wearing a sweater and a t-shirt I just started telling people I was dressed as "the death of all your hopes and dreams".

Now that's a scary costume.

Additionally, if you are ever in the Montrose area of Houston and looking for a delicious old-fashioned cocktail, I recommend you stop by Anvil. It's a bit pricey if you're not going for their special, but trust me- an Airmail is worth it (and if you're used to buying drinks in NY or LA, $9 might not seem so horrendous).

I did wish that Elyse had brought her costume, because it was the height of awesome and showed up all other Little Red Riding Hoods I have seen before or since- with a steampunk corset and custom-made hood she will probably reign supreme for many more moons to come.

(Photo credit to Oliver Wong, esteemed co-worker of ours. You may peruse more of his awesome work on his Flickr page, if you are into that stalkery kind of thing.)

To your right: please observe the awesome; corset not pictured but can be imagined.

After a sexy buffet breakfast at Baba Yega Sunday morning, we journeyed back to Austin-town and the swift return of realities. . .but not before taking the Pointy-eared Canine Brigade to the park for some choice tennis ball chasing action. I am an excellent Auntie, after all.

-AC2

*Party in my Cup Holders: this does not mean drinking and driving, but instead refers to the ambient lighting that changes across a rainbow of colors when a certain button is pressed; runs inside my cup holders and around the foot area in the front and back seats (this feature also solely responsible for the naming of my vehicle as Lafayette)

**BDH: again, this is Barbie Dreamhouse, residence of AC1 and chock full of awesome

There are times when I would like and/or think I need a boyfriend.

2009-10-27T23:37:00.004-05:00

Yes that is Alexis Bledel as Rosie the Riveter

These times are not when you think they would be. Ok yes they are (on occasion), but more often they are times when I don't expect them to hit me.

Example? Tonight!

I get home around 7:15 and walk my dogs, I don't live in the best hood, and yes it was dark, but I have big dog and wasn't scared. Then I pack, cook myself dinner and have a glass of wine at my table with my book (nope still don't want one yet). I am so excited for my trip. . . girl time will be great! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

I then clean up and do some dishes, feeling accomplished I pour myself another glass of wine. That was when the damn light in my kitchen went out! CRAPOLA! I have never changed it before and it is one of those damn complicated businesses with the florescent light thingys! I can't reach this shit with my stool so I have to get up on the counter GAWD! The bolts are impossible to unscrew and so I have to get down and grab a wrench. I get them off and then have to hold the cover and the bolts and the extra piece and I think if only I had someone to hand this stupid cover to . . . nope so I drop it and get the bulb out. Get off the counter put down the bulb and climb back up on the counter and put the whole contraption back together. YES I DID IT! Fuck men who needs em!

WOOHOO I sit down on the couch feeling like I rule and then I see my nails... tragedy! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

If only I had a stupid boyfriend to do this shit for me then my nails would not be all messed right now. FML

Yes pretty much I'm just going to use this as a vehicle to talk about Stuff I Want

2009-10-22T13:49:00.004-05:00

Okay STOP THE PRESSES and nevermind on the shiny ones because I have found something even more glorious and Sarah-related:

PUMPKIN BOOTS!!!

You may not know this about me, AC2, but I am completely enamored of all things pumpkin-flavored. It is even written on my whiteboard at work that you can find me from the hours of 9:30-3:30 Monday through Friday or "anywhere pumpkin-flavored things may be". Trufax you guys

Obviously I would not try to eat these shoes (I imagine they would taste slightly worse than wax fruit) but oh HOW I WOULD WEAR THEM. I think they'd look absurdly fetching with my lavender trench-coat from Great Coats.

I was teased mercilessly by the universe today as I discovered the existence of this color when my dear office bestie emailed me a fantastical sale- 40% off*!!!- but all that was left was size 5. Alas, my feet might be somewhat small for my Amazonian height, but not quite that freakish.

Therefore Readers Dear, if ever you so happen upon these magnificent rain boots at discounted price do be kind enough to contact me about it. I would weep with joy and model them for you, possibly even standing next to pumpkins/frolicking through a field of fallen leaves.

-AC2

*They are $115USD normally, so 40% off would have put me at a more bearable $69. I've seen them on British websites for £60 which is about $99, but I'm guessing international shipping charges would rape me whether or not they're affected by the Royal Mail strike business. (Hey look at that Twitter keeps me up to date on foreign events!)

A Brief Introduction to Insanity

2009-10-21T13:14:00.005-05:00

I would like to announce- before any formal joint-cousin-blogging is done- that The Aquatic Cousins did manage more or less successfully to take Dallas and survive OU weekend, despite such unsavory hurdles as being located in enemy territory.

But more on that later.

Right now I just want to show you what you should most definitely purchase for me, Aquatic Cousin 2, if you felt like getting me a Christmas present:

SHINY!

Yes, those are traditional wellies, much like the awesometastic ones owned by AC1. I did purchase those amazing camo hunting boots from Academy not long ago, as you may remember, but though my office does allow cat piano shirts, I can't say I could accesorize hunting boots with business casual wear every time it rains.

Thus: shiny wellies are on my horizon. I also like the gold. I'd even be okay with purple or bright yellow.

You know, just thought I'd share. Since you didn't get me anything for my birthday. *sniff sniff* But really, that's okay. Maybe we're not yet to that stage in our relationship, Dear Readers. I understand. I can wait.

-AC2

Aquatic Cousins Take on FASHION!

2009-10-16T10:21:00.004-05:00

AUSTIN FASHION WEEK IS UPON US!

Okay not really because there's no such thing but there SHOULD BE and let me tell you- the Aquatic Cousins would be sitting in the front row, wearing things more awesome than the Olsen twins ever thought to imagine in their bobble heads.

BEHOLD:

Cat Piano shirts are all the rage at The Workplace of AC2, I can assure you.

Yes I definitely wore that to work yesterday and received rave reviews, which tells you how awesome my place of work is. The CEO of course chose the day I was wearing a cat piano shirt to come by my desk. He complimented how I dressed it up so nicely with a blazer; what can I say we have a rapport since his daughter and I share a love of unicorns.

Now, the world might not be ready for this next piece, as rocked by AC1 in a way that no one else ever quite could- but we have confidence and faith in you, Dear Reader.

No she did not skin a muppet for this fine and winning piece.

Your eyes do not deceive you, Reader Dear- that is, in fact, an orange fur vest. And you are, in fact, as horrifyingly jealous that you do not own such a thing as I am, I guarantee it. Even if you don't know it. Search deeply in your soul for the truth. You want it. You want it to wear with my cat piano shirt. But that will never happen because you are not an Aquatic Cousin. Search for your own destiny in life.

Yes I've had too much sugar and caffeine. Let's hope I hold out until our Dallas departure this evening. In the meantime, I must needs go see a communist in his cubicle about some Workplace Things. (No really, that's how he referred to himself in the email.)

Cheers.

-AC2

Paid for by the Committee for Jack-o-lanterns for Jesus

2009-10-13T12:51:00.008-05:00

The Aquatic Cousins typically disregard email forwards you guys- unless to laugh at the comparisons of people to pumpkins that god has 'carved out with his light' etc- but this one is important. Please read & share with those fine ladies you care about!

_____________________________________________________________

Important Women's Health Notice:

Please..Please forward this to all the women you care about, or at least
tell them about it. It could save a life....

With Fall already upon us and as Winter approaches. . .an important Women's Health Issue Notice

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? *
Do you suffer from shyness? *
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas. Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
- Dizziness
- Nausea
- Vomiting
- Incarceration
- Erotic lustfulness
- Loss of motor control
- Loss of clothing
- Loss of money
- Loss of virginity
- Table dancing
- Headache
- Dehydration
- Dry mouth
- And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNINGS:
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and
over again that you love them.
* The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.
* The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Please share this with other women who may need Margaritas.

______________________________________________________________

AC1 and AC2 just want you to be healthy, wealthy and wise. Brought to you by Jazzy-J and the committee of Jack-o-lanterns for Jesus.

-AC2

ETA: October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month! Feel up someone you know and love. It just might save their life.

The end of SILENCE!!!!

2009-10-11T10:21:00.012-05:00

Wow ok so which Aquatic Cousin has been slacking? ME! I doubt anyone except AC2 and I have noticed, but in the case that someone else out there did: my deepest apologies!

We have had too many recent adventures to count. . . Since we have both been working all week long, we have been trying to cram as much fun as possible into the weekends. This leads to two things. . . . a very long Monday and muddy boots.

ACL was amazing! Umbrella Cousin joined me Friday for some Sweet John Legend action I also got to see my very good friend Phil. . . HAHAHAHA. AC2 came Saturday and Sunday for mud fest 2009. I got the best of both worlds! Sooo many of my friends were there and yet it was such a clusterfuck I barely saw any of them! Sarah did get some SWEEEET new boots tho! Mine are still sitting on the balcony covered in mud. What do I plan to do about it? Nothing.

LongHORN Football is also amazing. This past Saturday was super fun! Elisabeth (not a cousin) and I went to the game and also hung out with Esteban and the bunch.

Anyway Lis and I decided to pour vodka into cans of diet Rockstar. . . . HUNG OVER doesn't even cover it! But alas I can only blame myself! Crap my iPhone won't sync. Damn phone drama!

I- due to the pleading of Esteban- hung out with him and his girlfriend Dani at their apartment after the game. Yes, yes I know what the hell was I doing hanging out with my ex and his new girlfriend? I have not the foggiest! It was odd and I don't believe she was all too pleased by my presence or the fact that Steve and I kept taking walks down memory lane. It all looks the same! So weird to be removed from something and then see it again! I guess just because we broke up doesn't mean he got rid of all his stuff, but really it all looks the same!

This weekend is TEXAS vs. OU! Yaaaay Aquatic Cousins go to DALLAS! First I have to make it through my work week. I basically work for the female version of Jeff Lewis. I play the role of Jenny. Today I started doing voices. I think she liked Vlad best. Unlike Bernard*, Vlad is not a molester. I think Vlad is gay, or a cross dresser he talks about martini's and his nails a whole lot. "OOOH myy GAAAAWD nails soooo chiiippd! I go to salon now Mrs. Shelley?" Vlad can make Shelley laugh in a way I can't, because he can say things I could never get away with. Vlad can become invaluable and by association I can too; job security is important in this economy.

Scrappy is scaring Moose and honestly me. He is running all over chasing a phantom house fly. Moose just got so scared he jumped into my lap. He did not spill my beer tho so I didn't really yell at him too much. Now I am punishing him by using him as a foot stool. I am such a good disciplinarian! No really I told Maynard I wouldn't make Moo do anything he
didn't want to.

Feel yourself and your friends up this month and celebrate breast

cancer awareness! You could have some fun and even save a life!

GOODNIGHT AND GOOD LUCK!

AC1

ETA by AC2: *Bernard is a scary, scary voice I created at the age of 12
or so and used it to creep out both AC1 and my bestie Rebecca. I
believe Bernard is even creepier than Mitch, The Christmas Troll.